You are NEVER too much

Oh me oh my! Have you ever been told to simmer down? Or that you’re too loud? Have you ever felt out of place because you just simply like to laugh, have fun, and just happen to have this BIG personality?! Well listen to me! Ignore negative people and negative comments!

You see, I am 5ft tall and weigh (none ya business), and I have this GIGANTIC personality that a lot of people do NOT like! I am loud! I stand up for what I believe in or think! I don’t hold anything back (I’m working on this one), and I just flat out can and will (if needed) command attention when I walk into a room! It can be a room full of children, such as a cafeteria, or a room full of adults! I tend to make others very uncomfortable because I guess I’m not “lady like” and all the “proper” rules go out of the window when I’m around! But guess what?! I’m tired of caring what “SOME” people think! Because who I truly am……….is life!

The thing I love to do the most is have fun! It doesn’t matter if I’m at home, work, or a sports activity which typically includes one, if not both, of my children! And let me tell you–I get some looks! And because of that I ALMOST let other people’s opinion change who I am! But thankfully, the people who are judging me or you, are not the ones who matter!

Please dont let anybody take your voice away! Do NOT let their lack of ability to have fun decide if you’re going to be yourself or sit quietly in the corner! And do NOT for any reason, let their looks, their attitude, their chatter, or anything else change you! You are not here to please others! Your true friends and family love you just the way you are! And if you’re “peeps” are anything like mine, they know when you’re  quiet, that something is wrong!

Always remember that you are not too much! Your personality is not too big! You can’t have too much fun! And there will always be prudes that you will never be able to please! So don’t try!

And one last thought! Ask yourself 2 questions. 1. “Who am I like?” And 2. “Would I want them to be different or do I love them the way they are?” For me, the first answer is most definitely my mother! And the second answer is heck to the no because I love that she found a way to make life so enjoyable!

By being me, others get to continue to see pieces of her! Im keeping her memory alive by being who she taught me to be! And really, for those who choose not to accept me the way I am….they’re the ones losing out! They can like me or not, but I will no longer conform to who society says I should or shouldn’t be, and neither should you! We get one go round on this journey—-so you do you and dont worry about others say or think!!!

Don’t wait for the invite

Man, I can’t be the only person who wants to be included! I also can’t be the only one who wishes that I was “one of them” from time to time. And I for sure can’t be the the only person who hopes, for just once, that I will be invited to a fun weekend get away where I know there will be lots of shared laughs and amazing memories made!

For most of my life I’ve ALWAYS wanted the things mentioned above! And when it never happened (90% of the time), I would seriously play the victim and I would find someone to take it out on which usually ended up being my husband……he’s still here, so he must really love me!And because hind sight is always 20/20, I can see how immature I was and how ridiculous I acted! The sad thing is, my fit throwing never changed the outcome! I STILL never got invited! LOL!

So take it from me and learn a valuable lesson……..don’t wait for the invite! Stop focusing on the groups who aren’t your people, stop watching the crowds who overlook you, and for the love of everything good, stop staring at the cliques who pass you by……..you wouldn’t be happy anyways! Am I right? Thought so!

If you want to be loved, acknowledged, seen, and heard, then speak up! Ask others what they are doing! Make a plan and do the inviting! Be the one to initiate something you want to be part of! When you stay silent, others have no way of reading your thoughts! Too many times to count I’ve had others say to me, “I thought you’d be busy” or “we planned it last minute” and even straight up “we didn’t think you’d want to (fill in the blank)”! In my weird thought pattern, I always assumed (yes I know what that means), they were lying or being deceitful! So then I would make a point to NOT attend the next event when the invite WAS extended, out of pure spite! Well, that didn’t/hasn’t worked real well in my relationships either! At all!

Now that I’m older and realizing (admitting) the world truly doesn’t revolve around me (thanks mom), I have learned to step up and purposefully involve myself with those who love me. Instead of waiting for a phone call or text, I devise the plans I want to be involved in! When I havent seen my peeps, I invite them for dinner or a movie. When I’ve gone awhile without seeing my extended family, I ask them what they’re doing and I don’t feel bad for intruding! If I need time with my bestie, I call her and plan a coffee date!

So instead of sitting around and stepping on my bottom lip, I’ve learned to stop waiting on an invite, and speak up when I have a need! And more often than not, others are more than willing to find time for me! And there is even a bigger chance that they’ve needed some time with me, and just haven’t gotten around to asking!

Life happens, and it happens fast! Don’t wait on others to fulfill your needs! And don’t hesitate to be the one to reach out! We never know when neither will be an opportunity, so live life to the fullest in everything you do! And remember to have fun!

Are you in a rut?

Do you ever feel like your life is going nowhere? Or like you are living just to exist? Do you wonder what or where you will be in the next several years, but come up short with an answer because you just don’t know? I have and it can be a little depressing! After talking with a very good friend, we each shared that we lacked having goals for ourselves! And because of this, we feel like we are in a rut. Afterall, it’s the same mundane thing day after day! And I know there has to be more to life than just making it through the day, repeatedly, until the end. Can you say eat, sleep, repeat?! I seem to have that mastered!

Looking to the future can be scary! My oldest son is a junior and in 4 short months, he will be a senior! 16 1/2 years has gone by so fast, and oftentimes I just dont know what I will do when it’s time to send him off! I for sure don’t know what life will look like when my youngest (an 8th grader) graduates and I have no one to be responsible for except myself! I mean, yeah, I’ll keep being a wife, but what is expected of me when my children are on their own and I have no one to parent?!

Just thinking about these things causes me to stop and wonder what will become of ME during those times. I mean, its not like I’m this real popular person who has to look at a calendar every time someone says, “what are you doing this evening?” because I already know the answer—-nothing! And that alone is enough to throw me into a whirlwind of emotions of how empty my life might be when both of my children have flown the coop!

They say everybody has hidden talents! Well, I sure wish I could end this game of “my talent hides while I seek it”–because I’m not doing so hot at finding! Like, for real–olly olly oxen free already!!!! Because I’ve tried being a pianist, a runner, a hunter, and none of those really got me that far (literally)! And now, my latest endeavor has been to start a blog. And I appreciate the ones who take their time to read my very random thoughts……I just dont see this being my one true purpose!

So how do I take my fear of not being (more like not feeling) needed and change the course of that before it arrives? This definitely would be a great time to set some goals. But where do I even begin?! Starting seems to always be the hardest part, or maybe…..knowing where to start is! Either way, it begins with pencil and paper, otherwise, you’ll end up in the same place again and again! Stuck!

So start with one thing. For example, my bestie and I have decided to gather our families and go on a camping trip. We are flying (somewhat) blind by being the ones to plan this, but since we couldn’t get the guys to make plans, we decided to take charge. Or take my cousin who has a passion for her health, as well as the health of others; She is in the process of buuilding her own gym–like in her backyard y’all! And then I have another friend who just gave her notice at her job and is going to try her hand at something completely new which HAS to be somewhat scary, considering she is middle age! But age truly doesn’t matter when it comes to goals!

Perhaps what YOU need to do is to take charge of something that you know you’d enjoy doing! And if no one jumps on board, go have fun without them! But chances are, you can find someone who is also looking to step away from the same monotonous aspects of life! And after you go on the first planned trip, immediately start thinking of what to do or where to go on the next one! Then watch your life, once again, have meaning, purpose, and dare I even say, joy!!!

Not every adventure has to be small and not everyone has to be big! Mix it up! Think of long term trips that will give you a reason to save! But in-between those, plan day or weekend trips that you can look forward to! Just have fun and make lots of memories! Start now before you give yourself a reason to not do anything at all!

Accepting the apology

Exactly how important is it to accept an apology when someone has reacted prematurely, overstepped or straight up crossed a boundary they shouldn’t have? Very important!

For me, accepting the apology looks different than straight up forgiveness. Here’s why! When you show/allow forgiveness, that doesn’t mean that you’re going to immediately enter back into a relationship or friendship with the person who hurt you. It means that you are being the bigger person and you are not going to allow ‘said situation’ to continue to eat at you anymore. It means you are free of any grudges of wrong doing, and you are moving forward with your life.

An apology, however, means that the person saying those words meant no harm toward you and a mistake was made. These are words they don’t have to say, but choose to say! Instead of acting like nothing happened, they are recognizing the pain they caused! Instead of giving a reason for why they said or did (insert words/actions), they are saying, “I messed up”!

I think we sometimes hold off on accepting an apology because we want to prove a point. But in the end, that prolongs the hurt and causes bigger gaps to form, which is a no win situation on either side.

So do I think accepting an apology is important?! Why yes, YES I do! And just remember, some people aren’t big enough to say those words, so if they’re offered up, be swift to to take what is offered and move on!

Know your worth

Grab your coffee and favorite snack….this one might be lengthy!

How often do you see yourself as less? How often do you allow yourself to BELIEVE you’re less? And how often do you speak about yourself as if you ARE less? My guess is WAY too often! And the fact is, even if you answer 1 out of 7 days, that is way too often!!!! LISTEN TO ME………..YOU ARE NOT LESS than anything or anyone and this ongoing lie has to STOP!!!

Everybody has worth! Hear that? E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y! That INCLUDES you!!! You are somebody’s everything! You are somebody’s safe place! You are somebody’s ONLY “go to” person! And if they lost you, they would be devastated!!!

But here’s the thing……I can speak these words all day long and you might read it as if I’m talking to everyone except you, BUT I’m actually writing this for the very person who thinks it’s for everybody EXCEPT them! This one’s for you! Because no matter what other people think, say, or do that involves you…….always and forever, every single night and day, through every high and every low…….YOU MATTER!!!!!!

And actually, in case you forgot, God is the one who said it first! God makes you worthy! God says you matter! God says you are chosen, loved, not forgotten or forsaken! God says you are HIS child and no one can change that! God says, “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”. I give you that verse because if you are feeling ‘less than’, then I know you have mourned and you have needed God’s comfort! I know this, because for the majority of my life, I have felt those exact emotions, “less than”! And the majority of my life I have sought for someone to comfort me and take all the pain away! At times, I’ve been able to give it to God and I’ve had rest from the weariness it brings! But I’ve also clinched my hands so tight around the very thing that was cutting me to the core and I wallowed in the misery that came with it!

By no means have I perfected how to wake up everyday and know (or remember) my worth, but I’m trying!  It isn’t a light bulb moment and then you never go back to your old way of thinking, at least it hasn’t been for me! But I do remind myself that when someone puts me down, treats me bad, straight up snubs me or ignores me…..their actions are on them! How they treat me or talk to me DOES NOT make me worthless! It just shows their weakness! It also proves that I AM worthy and SO ARE YOU! Otherwise the enemy wouldn’t focus so much and so hard on trying to get you or I to believe this lie!

So every day that you are given, wake up and give thanks to God for allowing you to live another day! Because that’s one more day that you get to be somebody else’s saving grace! When they see your smile, your kindness, and your love for life, they are seeing how much you value yourself! We will never know how many people kept going because of us, so ALWAYS know your worth and keep your head held high–we are the sons and daughter of the Most High God–which makes us worthy!

Move past the past

Is there anybody out there who constantly thinks about the past and wishes you could just go back and change that one situation? I know I do way too often! I always have better strategies on what I could have said or done and how it would’ve changed the outcome of a rotten situation!

Because I’m an overthinker, living in the past is a real issue for me, but I’m trying! I’m trying to move forward! I’m trying to be better than I was yesterday! Im trying to allow myself grace and remember that nobody is perfect! And I really think I judge myself harshly when I make unhealthy choices (ya know–get mad and say bad things) because social media has me believing that I’m the only one sinking! But gosh darn it–I know I’m not in this boat alone and neither are you! I think one of the best things we can do, is stop comparing our personal journey to those around us and know our worth! Because WE are more than the decisions we have made, good or bad!

Unfortunately no matter how much time I spend thinking about it, there’s nothing I can do to “fix” the way things happened then! But what I can do, is move past the past! I can look to the future and decide how I will handle myself in the next obstacle of life! I get to prepare myself to make an effort to do better the next go round, and we all know, there will be more chances in which we get to decide our words, our actions, and even better, our attitude.

So from here on out, start focusing on what’s in front of you instead of looking at what’s behind you!!!

Just dont stay stuck

Am I the only person who replays situations on repeat just for the sake of trying to figure out what I could’ve said or done?! OR, even better, so I could have my next response ready should my foe (in that moment) dare to respond?! No?! Just me?! Well, you may want to skip today’s post! OR if you ARE like me and have done these very things as well, stick with me.

Listen up! When I say I tell you I replay everything, I’m not exaggerating! I (still) replay things that have happened from 6 months ago (in reality its years)! And I know this is ridiculous, but it’s just what my brain does and I cant find the switch to turn it off!

So what I’m learning to do is to not stay stuck in the moments that can’t be changed! I cant change that I got a ticket because I wanted to beat the car in front of me. I cant change the fact that husband didn’t take me on a valentine’s date in 2013! And by George I cant change the fact that somebody at work was having a rough day and took it out on me! So why stay stuck in the moments of being aggravated, hurt, and just flat out ticked off! Why?! All I can do is gather myself and figure out what comes next. Pay the ticket, plan the dates I want to go on, and show kindness to someone who needs it!

Everytime you relive the moments of disappointment, you are keeping yourself from enjoying what is right in front of you, which can end up being detrimental in the long run.

Once you have had time to feel and work through your emotions in whatever situation has your blood pumping, don’t stay stuck! You are the only one who gets to decide how quickly you will move on! And trust me when I say, the quicker you accept that you can’t change what happened, only what you do next, the less stressed you will be in the end!

Have no regrets

I wish I could say that I don’t have any regrets in life! But the truth is, that just isn’t the case. Often times, I actually feel like I have more regrets than I do proud moments when I get quiet and think too much!

What’s really eye opening is that I can be encouraging to others all day long, but neglect to listen to my own “words of wisdom”! I am one of those people who can snap in under 2 seconds without stopping to think things through (this is where my regrets come in)! The bad news here is, there’s no take backs, but the good news is…..I can learn and do better!

I’ve had to train myself to focus on the blessings I have instead of the trials! Because in reality, I have SO much to be thankful for! But the enemy of this world wants to keep us defeated by constantly reminding us of the choices we’ve made that haven’t been great! This is when I have to speak words of wisdom to myself, affirmation of who I belong to, and by golly continue to be thankful for my husband (who sticks by me always), my kids (even though I embarrass them daily), and to God for putting a fire inside of me to live life to the fullest, with no regrets!

So when you make mistakes (and you will), acknowledge them, apologize quickly, then move on and be better! Don’t focus on what you did wrong, rather focus on how you can make it right! It is absolutely amazing at how far humbleness and admittance of wrong doing can take you in life! So instead of living with regrets, move on with your head held high knowing you gave it your all!

You said what….

Have you ever let your words fly out of your mouth without thinking of how it will have a domino effect?! No? Just me? That’s a bummer! And not that I intend to be mean, sometimes I just start talking which often times makes the situation even worse and before I know it, I have a really deep hole dug and no idea how to get out of it.

In fact, just yesterday I lashed out without having all of the information I needed! And once my response was out there, thwre was pretty much no taking it back! Because ya know……screenshots! So I’m sure at this point I’ve managed to make a few more enemies. **sigh**

So how do I fix it? How do YOU fix it when you’ve messed up? I’m not exactly sure at this point. What I do know is, there needs to be a waiting period before I start hammering down and making excuses for what I said! And of course, there needs to be an apology! But I think where I go wrong is, I start with “I’m sorry ” followed by, “BUT”! NO! Just NO! If I can’t apologize and mean it and I still feel the need to follow with anything else, then that apology means nothing, especially to the ones I hurt.

One of my biggest faults is not taking time to digest what it is that was said to me or that I read (thanks FB) before I start typing fast and furiously! Im still learning that not everyone is against me! And for me, that is a hard lesson to learn! I’m a very defensive person and it causes a lot of regret!

What I do know is, I can only apologize (SINCERELY), and move on! At that point, it is up to the person/people I hurt to accept it or not. I use to dwell on every situation and that takes A LOT of energy! It also robs me of what is going on in the here and now! So for now, I will continue to work on being silent (when I’m mad) and learn to apologize quickly!

You get the same choice! Will you spit fire or learn to stay silent first?! Will you apologize or justify? Will you dwell on the unforgivness or keep going, knowing you tried?! Words do hurt snd unfortunately they can’t be taken back!

Choose wisely!

Be kind, Always

How many times have you started typing and man, it would have been the perfect response……..but you decided to delete and move on?! Good for you! What good actually comes from using your words to put others down, or just flat out be mean?! In the end, if you’re like me, you regret the fact that you even got caught up in said conversation! I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure nothing I (or you) have said has caused others to change their perspective or their thinking based on anything, all because I/you said it. It’s when we are kind and sometimes just silent, that we attract others to listen to what we have to say! Think about the ONE person who you love oh so very much! Got a person? If you wouldn’t say it or speak in a disrespectful tone to that person that just crossed your mind, then don’t do it to others! Period!

Words are so powerful! And mine have not always been kind or nice. In fact, they have sometimes been flat out mean and disrespectful! But what I’ve learned is, I always end up saying I’m sorry, and sometimes, it’s just too late! So in the moment of anger, choose silence, until you can choose kind! You’ll feel better than if you had said the means things, deserved or not! So go, and remember to be kind, always!