Less fear, more faith

Wouldn’t it be great if the title of this blog were as simple as it sounds? I mean, if we could just snap our fingers and have less fear and more faith, then life would be grand, right?! Well, I’m not so sure it would be! That’s just not how life works! And if that’s the case, then why in the world do we need more faith? Glad you asked!

Walking in fear is for the birds! I’ve done it A LOT in my lifetime, and never have I (myself) been able to change the outcome! One example is when my husband changed jobs. We weren’t sure if he would get one last check from his previous job prior to getting his first check at his new job. The thing is, no amount of worrying or fear was going to change that outcome! He either was going to get one and it would make things really great, or he wasn’t and we would figure out how to pay bills another way! All fear did for me during that time, was cause me to fret! There have been many times where I have wasted much of my time living in fear, and it has never solved anything! I’m not great at this, but I’ve decided to live my life with less fear and save myself some stress!

Having faith means holding onto something or someone that is bigger than us! The Bible tells us that if we have the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains! One day I got curious about this and bought a package of mustard seeds. Man, I can’t even describe in great enough detail of how small they really are! And yet, if I have that amount of faith I can move mountains? What this verse says to me (personally) is that MY mountains will be moved when I hold onto faith! The thing is though, everybody’s mountain will look different. Maybe yours is needing a job, mine is needing healing in my body, and perhaps your neighbor needs food on the table because payday is still 3 days away! Do I think God can literally move mountains? Absolutely! Do I think he will go around moving them just because? No, I don’t! But I do know that having faith has allowed me to have peace like never before. I also know, that whatever it is that I’m believing for, it will happen in God’s timing, not mine! And it will happen in the way God sees fit, not the way I see fit! It has taken me years to accept this! And sometimes, I still cry and and get really mad at God because I lay my faith down somewhere along the way and I pick the fear back up! When this happens, I usually get a second go round…..you know…..to try again! And if I’m smart, I pick my faith back up and kick the fear to the curb!

Having less fear and more faith allows me to have rest from upon high! When I focus on my faith, I can walk through my day knowing that I don’t have to try and figure things out on my own, because I have given “said circumstance” over to God and it now is up to Him to handle it! I wish putting this into practice EVERY SINGLE DAY was as easy as typing it out! Unfortunately, there are things that happen where I allow my emotions to dictate my reactions and fear rushes through me in an instant! But thankfully, I serve a mighty God who is faithful to the end and grabs ahold of my hand and calms the fear and gently reminds me to have more faith!

Your words have power…

Do you realize that with every word you speak, you have the power to change somebody’s day with even a 2 second encounter?! It’s true! You have the ability to speak positivity, which can help someone to hold their head high, BUT you also have the ability to speak negativity, which CAN bring those around you to their knees in tears!

Far too many times I’ve allowed my emotions to hurt people with the words that came out of my mouth! Sometimes, it was intentional (not proud), and sometimes I just flat out didnt stop to think about what I was saying! I can think of times when I’ve said, “not to be rude…” or “dont take this the wrong way, but…” and even the classic “can I be honest with you?” Looking back, I am ashamed that I let myself treat others in a way that was anything but respectful! I’ve seen firsthand that my words have caused others to hang their head low! I’ve also experienced watching my very own words hurt others to the core, and no matter how “sorry” I was, I knew things would never be the same! And they haven’t been! Looking back at my childhood and even my teenage years, I have many scars from things that were said to me. And I dont mean just the normal parenting words such as, “pull your head out of your…!” No, I mean all the times I was told, “I may be fat, but you’re ugly and I can diet!” YES, that was really said to me…….on a daily basis, from the age of 14! So sure, I could try and blame my faults on my upbringing, but now that I’m an adult, there’s no excuse that will excuse me putting others down or making them feel inferior to me or anybody else, just because I can! Knowing how much words really do matter, I need, no I MUST, do better!

Thankfully, I’ve learned, with A LOT of help and guidance (aka counseling) to use my words for good! You see, when we use our words for positivity, we are showing each other how to treat us, as well as others! It is amazing at how the smallest compliment or sometimes even acknowledgment of others can go a long, long way! Just like we wouldn’t think twice of holding a door for a stranger, we should be just as willing (if not more willing) to speak highly TO AND ABOUT those we are around every day! It really is amazing at how some people just need a quick “hello”, “how are you?” Or maybe even a 1 minute conversation of something positive between you and them! When we are kind with our words, others around us will follow suit! And what a wonderful opportunity we have…..to give the next generation the power of positivity!

So what do your words say about you?! Do you use your words to harm or build? Are you an example that you want your own children to follow? Or would you be embarrassed if they used their words to hurt others, because they learned it from you? What, if anything, do you need to do differently when it comes to how you speak to and about others?

Nobody will ever be perfect and we will ALL say things that are uncalled for! But what we CAN do in the here and now is to strive to build the confidence of the people that God places in our path! We will never know when our words may push someone to a breaking point! Just the opposite is also true, we may never know that what we say is what keeps someone going! May you and I be the ones to always use our words to lift others up!

Be involved…do it for the kids

If you are even somewhat familiar with my blog, then you know by now that I’m nothing short of honest! You also know that I don’t throw things out there unless I’ve personally “been there done that”! This post won’t be any different on that aspect, it will however dive just a little bit deeper into who I’ve been, who I am, and who I continue to strive to be! Stick around!

Growing up both my parents worked so attending school activities or programs didn’t really happen! Although, when my senior year rolled around, I can say my mom did everything she could to attend my games! And without a doubt, she was my biggest fan! There was no doubt who she was rooting for and I loved every minute of it! Even now, I can look back with a smile and know that she is continuing to root for me to win in life, she’s just having to do it from heaven! On the other hand, my step dad had nothing to do with me and attending activities didn’t happen, at all! I’m really not over it and unfortunately, I allowed the way I grew up to negatively impact the kind of parent I’ve been! So I’m here to encourage you to do things differently than I did–your kids will thank you later!

I haven’t always made great decisions when it comes to parenting! For a long time, I suppressed some deep seeded hurt from my childhood! Rather than deal it and be the mom my kids needed me to be, I would (at times) find a way to suck the life and the energy out of the room! Perhaps it was a learned behavior, maybe it was immaturity, or maybe I was just flat out being a bigger brat than any 2 year old you’ve ever known, all because I could! Either way, I have made life way too hard for my kids and there’s nothing I can do about it! I just have to be who they need me to be starting right now!

I have always been pretty good at the “showing up” part when it comes to their school and sports activities! It’s those other activities (ya know–family functions), that I chose not to attend! And I dont mean I’ve skipped JUST a few get together meals…….no, I mean holidays such as Easter, July 4th, and even Christmas! The holidays where the most memories are made would be the ones I’ve missed out on, and it’s nobody’s fault but my own! But what is (perhaps) even worse is, the times I did go, I wasn’t involved. If I was mad or in a mood, I would literally sit in a corner and give death stares to anybody who looked my way! And THIS is what I so desperately want you to hear! Just because you’re present, doesn’t ALWAYS mean your present! Being in the room physically means nothing when you aren’t involved!

I now have an (almost) 14 year old and a 16 1/2 year old and I’ve wasted SO MUCH TIME on putting my needs/wants ahead of my kids! All because I refused to admit that I needed help! They have had to endure my pain WAY too many times and they haven’t always got to enjoy the moments that have (probably) meant the most! And now I have to live with the fact that some of their childhood memories will consist of “mom didnt come” or “mom acted like a fool” and it’s very possible that their thoughts/emotions go much deeper than I even realize! Afterall, I’ve never asked, probably because I’m too afraid of what they might say! Maybe one day soon, I’ll be brave enough to have that discussion!

As my own baby (a junior in HS) is approaching his senior year, I have way too many regrets! But focusing on what I could’ve done and/or should’ve done will get me nowhere! Time is the biggest thief, and if we’re not careful, it will slip right out of our hands with no mercy! The one thing that can’t be bought, is time! So take advantage of the time you have left by showing up and being involved! It’s not too late! I Promise!

I have no way of knowing how many people this will reach, but if you can relate to anything I’ve said just now, please know it’s not too late! You can still step up, show up, AND be involved if you want to! And maybe you want to but don’t know where to start……well…..go to the next activity you can get to, and be their biggest fan! You won’t regret it!

At least I didn’t ….

Have you ever used this to make an argument? If not, come back tomorrow because you are better than me and I probably won’t say anything that will apply to you! Haha! But let me be real today, I have said this more times than I can count and more times than I care to admit! This is a classic go to line when I have been (or am) mad/upset/frustrated at whoever happens to be doing me “wrong” at that moment. It’s like I use this statement to justify my own words or actions because after all, there is a difference in a little white lie and a regular lie or even between a little sin and a big sin! So of course, the things I say or do will NEVER be as bad as someone else because after all, at least I didn’t (fill in the blank)!

So I am (shamefully) one of THOSE people who holds grudges! Perhaps it is because of the trauma I’ve had, or perhaps its because I’ve watched family members kick holes in doors. **not a joke–but THAT was because of our dog**Anyhow, I can always find a way to excuse my ridiculous words and/or actions when it comes to being mean. Like, I just told my husband (as in yesterday–Feb 10th), why he made me mad regarding something that happened in September! I WISH I could make this up! I’d make a great stand up comedian! During that particular, let’s say discussion, I may have replied with some not so kind words. Back to today– I mention getting concrete for our driveway, he kind of smarts off (that was my opinion) and I totally brought up the incident from 5 months ago! FiVE MONTHS!!! Then I proceeded to tell him how he always provokes me and it’s his fault when I’m mean to him. 🥴🥴🥴

Unfortunately, the story is the same even when it comes to people who aren’t my family! I find a way to justify my words/actions by telling myself (usually a friend actually) how the other person is in the wrong because they did THIS (you name it) and I didn’t! I intentionally find ways to make them the bad guy because what they did “was so much worse” than my retaliation! I mean afterall, if they hadn’t “started it” then I wouldn’t have had a reason to be a terrible person in return! **insert eye roll** I think some people call this “playing the victim”! Well, let’s just say, I’ve mastered it! **not proud, just being honest!

Another common phrase that I have been known to use is, “well in my defense”…….hhhhmmmm…..that’s just one more tactic that I would use to make the other person’s actions so much more worse than mine! For example, I have this coworker (different building but same place of employment) who continues to just hound me over paperwork and it just gets old. Because it has happened no less than 20 times, I decided to “tattle” in an email (she was included) to our boss and point out very specific times when she had broken specific rules. And of course it was all done in a “professional manner”! Whether it was or wasn’t done professionally, I used her actions to condone everything I told on her for because “at least I didn’t…”

My point is, I (and perhaps you) need to stop making excuses and stop rationalizing my words and actions that are uncalled for and using the excuse, “at least I didn’t…” because in the end, I will have to answer for how I treat others. If we want this world to be better than it is, it has to start with us. When someone wrongs us, we have to be the bigger person, forgive, and move on. Now that doesn’t mean that we have to let others run all over us, because that’s not healthy either! However, the words I use and the conversations I have when someone HAS “wronged” me/you needs to be said/done without the anger. It’s time that I stop allowing what others say/do overtake my emotions because that’s when I react in disdain! And justified or not, wrong will still be wrong!

In the end if you are still saying, “at least I didnt…” to defend your words or actions then the cold hard truth is, you just stooped to the exact same level you disapproved of to begin with! Listen to me…….don’t be THAT person! Patience and delayed responses are so much better! I’ve actually had a few of those moments! Think before you speak! Think before you act! And for the love of everything good, ask yourself if it is worth it! You’ll be thankful you did!!!

Friend or foe

Have you ever shared pieces of your story with someone that you knew without a doubt was your friend and it backfired? Or have you ever disliked someone so much and you knew without a doubt you would have nothing in common with them, but were proved wrong once you gave them a chance? It just so happens that I’ve had both of these things happen to me! And I figure, its probably more common than people want to admit! And that’s okay! That’s why I’m here……to be real and let you know, I understand!

I believe people are sent across our path to serve a purpose and help us through whatever we are going through at that particular time. And if we are lucky, we get to keep them as a friend for an even longer time! But for me, that’s not how it usually goes! I even had a friend tell me recently, “you sure have a lot of besties!” Although the truth is, I really don’t! I am however lucky and blessed enough to have: my childhood bestie, my “saving grace” bestie (who lives out of town now), and of course my bestie that lives here and has heard my story from beginning to end and has never judged me! All 3 of these people mean so much to me because they have been with me through a whole bunch of highs and a whole bunch of lows and they’ve never left! We may not talk every day and only see each other once every other month, but without a doubt each bestie would be there for me in an instant if that’s what was truly needed! And when we do get to catch up, we start right where we left off without missing a beat! These are my peeps, friends for the remaining of time, and the ones that have kept me going when life got hard!

Going through people that I thought were friends, was hard! There are actually more people who have ended up being a foe than I’d like to admit! Some of them know some deep secrets, and that’s bothersome! Because when I open up, I tend to say WAY too much because I never anticipate the friendship ending! Unfortunately, sometimes, it just does and it would do me no good to dwell on what I THOUGHT I had! I can seriously count no less than 10 people who I TRULY thought cared about me, and it was all a lie, in one way or another! Looking back, I have to just laugh and move on, otherwise I would waste a whole lot of tears! At this point, I just have to say, “so long” and focus on the ones who are in my life to stay!

I think it’s really important that everybody has a bestie. And if you’re lucky enough to have more than 1, then you are blessed beyond measure! For the people who have entered your life and walked out, let it go! Literally! Stop dwelling on it and walk away! They weren’t for you! If there’s that one person that you keep crossing paths with, maybe you should give them a chance! You might be surprised at how some friendships come to be when neither person was looking! I do think when we try to force a friendship to happen, we are sometimes setting ourselves up for disappointment! If it’s meant to be…great, if not, move on! But don’t be so quick to brush someone off, you never know when they may be the very person who is the nearest and dearest in the end!

Sink or swim

Life is a whirlwind and it is constantly changing! There are moments where we feel on top of the world and superior to everything around us! Then there are the moments where we feel forgotten and our only wish is for the storms surrounding us to just take us out, so the heartache will stop! At least that is what my life has been like!

My story is filled with ups and (what seems like) a WHOLE LOT of downs! Looking back, I needed some serious help and interventions, such as counseling and probably medication. But because my behavior and attitude was wrote off as being “a teenager”, no one realized or maybe they just didnt want to intervene and I was allowed to go through life with a chip on my shoulder! **this did NOT help things** Therefore, I had to learn real quick if I was going to sink or swim through the trials of life!

I can recall so many moments where I played the victim and allowed myself to sink all because I wanted attention. And I totally became the one who cried wolf and eventually lost out on many things because of stubbornness! At times, I held my own head under the water in hopes of someone coming to my rescue! And usually, there was always that ONE person who would walk beside me long enough for me to catch my breath! This was how I lived life so it happened again and again, day after day! And once EVERYONE in my life got tired of it, it was like driving into a brick wall at 70 MPH! NOT FUN! Playing victim didnt catch up to me until about 35–yes….years! I had 2 children and had been married for 15 years! I had 1 friend who never left me (during this specific time), regardless of my poor decision making (thanks Al)! And then on the other side, there were a whole lot of people who (probably) wished I would drown and be done. NOT JOKING! Choosing to sink NEVER worked in my favor and looking back, I REALLY REALLY dislike myself for making those types of decisions, because that is time wasted that I will NEVER get back! I can’t go back and be a better friend, daughter, sister, wife, in-law, and probably the most bothersome feeling is that I can’t go back and be a better mother to my 2 amazing children who I know I’ve let down time after time! They’ve deserved nothing but the best–and I took that away from them!

Once the tsunami of life crashed down, I had no choice but to learn to swim! It was hard! It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to MAKE myself do! I had to relearn how to do life the right way! Am I embarrassed? Heck to the yeah! But I’ve shared this much, so why stop?! You see, once I had no other choice but to get help, there was no turning back to my old ways! I knew that going back would cause me to lose everything! And I had gotten way too close to the ledge, on my own, that I didn’t want to see life from that view ever again! So I did the steps! I found help and shared my story, repeatedly, and asked God to do something I had never done before…….I asked him to “change me” because that’s what my counselor asked me to do! Did I do this the first time she asked me to? That’d be a big fat no! In fact, it took me a really long time to even think about saying those words! But once I did, and meant it………my life changed! It was like I knew how to swim all along, but had been choosing not to! And that doesn’t mean that I never swallowed some water along the way and needed to be rescued, it just means that more often than not, I was able to go through life with my head above water! I was able to identify when the waves were headed my way and then I got to decide if I was going to sink by battling them head on, or if I was going to let the them carry me as far as they could, then start swimming once they began to dissipate!

I think too many people are under the impression that choosing to swim is the easy answer for everyone! But unless you’ve been in situations where it’s easier to “give up” you’ll probably never TRULY know why people, much like myself, choose to sink instead of fighting to just to stay afloat! A few things that come to mind when I see others going under instead of fighting to swim are: depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, panic attacks, self-esteem issues, insomnia, self blame, ptsd (trauma from life), and these are just a few! And if I’m going to continue to be honest, the ones I listed are the ones I’ve personally dealt with!

Choosing to swim will not always be the easy thing to choose! In fact, more often than not, it will probably be the hardest choice! But what I do know is……in the end, you’ll be glad you chose to keep your head above the waves instead of letting them take you under! And eventually, others will begin to watch you and it will inspire them to keep going too! So when the storm rolls in and everything is dark, take a deep breath in and remember that you get to choose if you will sink or swim!

An alzheimers tribute…

I absolutely love to write! At times my thoughts have been very random! However, this is dedicated to my sweet momma who exchanged her body for a set of wings on Oct. 13th, 2018! She would be turning 70 today and there would have been a birthday bash like none other, where I know without a doubt, she would have taken somebody down just to prove she could!

Titled: Dear Child

What is your name child? It’s nice to meet you dear!
Am I suppose to know you child? Things just don’t seem clear!
Will you come a little closer child? I just want to touch your face!
I’m sorry I don’t know you child, from my memory you’ve been erased!

Please just don’t give up on me, I want to remember, I really do!
Please just patiently love on me, each and every day!
Please remember I love you so, and I wish there was a way,
For me to show you how thankful I am, by having the words to say!

As time draws near to say goodbye, I hope that you don’t cry!
For everything you have done for me, has given me a better life!
I hope you don’t regret the time we had, it has meant everything to me!
I’ll see you on the other side, and that’s when I’ll be free!!!

By: Linda Hutchison 2/3/18**in loving memory of my mother, Gwendolyn Kay Haskins! 2/8/51-10/13/18. Rest in peace mom! I miss you big!

If you or a family member is going through this crazy storm, feel free to reach out! Each stage brings its own troubles, but once that staged has passed, you immediately wish you could have it back! Reach out to others, and let them lend an ear, because this is the hardest thing I’ve walked through! But God, family, friends, and framily has walked this entire journey with me, otherwise I wouldn’t have made it!

Are you a giver or a taker?

What comes to mind when you hear the words ‘giver’ and ‘taker’? Money? Time? Family? Work? Friendships? Does anybody inparticular come to mind?And how do you see yourself? Are you the one always giving, and you need to set limits? Or are you the one leeching off others and you need to do a self check?

Giving is an amazing attribute! Being a giver means that you want to see others happy, you have the heart of a servant, and you know how to or are willing to to put your needs/wants on the back burner! To spot a giver, look for the ones who are doing things that no one else steps up to do! Watch carefully for the ones who are serving without needing attention! Find the ones who are last in line when there’s a crowd or first to start picking up after others, but also the last to leave! I have found that those who offer up what they have and sometimes what they don’t have, are doing so because deep down they have a true passion to make this world a brighter place!

Takers on the other hand are very exhausting and can deplete the givers, probably without even thinking about! When they make every situation about them (been there done that), it can be extremely burdensome to those who only know how to serve and continuously want to help, but dislike telling others no! Being a taker is very unhealthy for so many reasons. 1. People eventually get tired of giving and you end up draining them on more levels than one! 2. Expecting others to be the ones who always do the inviting, the planning, and the even the paying is detrimental to your friendships, and it could cost you to lose one if you’re not careful. 3. When you take and take and offer nothing in return, then you become a very selfish person, which usually (in my case), causes you to have a false sense of entitlement! Listen to me……don’t be this person!!!

Having a balance between giving and taking is the key! I have friends on both ends and a few who have figured out where the middle is! Me? For a very long time, I was the taker! I wanted to be part of the crowd, but never took initiative! If someone invited me to dinner, I figured they were paying! And when life didn’t go my way, sure…I would call a friend….but it was all about me and how everybody else was scum! And I don’t tell you this because I’m proud of it! I tell you because, thankfully, I’ve been able to recognize that in myself! And now, I love to give! Whether it is buying coffee for my BFF, taking donuts to some teachers, spotting the perfect thing to make my child smile (oreos work well) or even paying a strangers toll, it just fills a satisfaction like never before! Now, I definitely take as many opportunities as I can to make someone else’s day just a little bit brighter! Do I always get it right and never slip into my old ways? Uuummmm NO! But when I am purposefully looking for ways to make others smile, then being a taker is the last thing on my mind!

So ask yourself which one you are. If you are a giver, that is amazing! Keep being a beautiful soul and making the world a better place one day ay a time! But please make sure you set limits and don’t let others take the joy and energy out of what you have to offer! If you’re a taker, step up! Start doing your part and give back! If you dont have money, then help in a different way! Because money is not always what is needed! Don’t be afraid to ask what needs to be done! That question alone will get you on the right path to helping others. Just don’t sit around and continue to let others be the only ones to show effort! You’ll be amazed at how good you’ll feel from the inside out!

Water your own grass

I wonder how many people watch, follow, or look at social media and wish they had what others have?! I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have personally allowed jealousy to rise up because of something I’ve seen or read and immediately judged someone based on what they appear to have because for some reason, we’ve been accustomed to believe that THINGS = happiness! And sometimes I absolutely want things I cant afford, and when others are showing off what they have, I tend to get straight up jealous!

And yeah, I know, its clear that some people will always have more money than others! And money buys things! And of course, things tend to satisfy some type of hunger inside of us and at times those material things can bring happiness!

But what about the things money can’t buy? What happens when those materialistic items can no longer fulfill the NEED that makes one smile from the inside out?! Where does that leave somebody who has put their all into the very thing they are showing off on Facebook or instagram?! I imagine it leaves them drained and empty and left pretending to keep up the facade that they are happy 1000% of the time, which TYPICALLY isn’t true!

What I’ve decided I need to do for my own mental health, AND to be able to help others in the long run, is to water my own grass and stop worrying about trying to keep up with those around me who seem to have the latest, greatest, and newest of whatever the world is offering at that moment in time!

I start by speaking positivity into my family! Starting with myself, my children, my marriage, my job and anything else that I’m involved in! I have to focus on what blessings I am given each and every day! And by focusing on and taking care of what has been entrusted to me, I will prosper in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine rather than trying to achieve greatness on my own!

We were not called to see who can accumulate the most amount of money, build the biggest house, have the most cars, or better yet, have the most  followers/friends! **ouch**

We were called to love one another! But the only way we can love others, is to love ourselves first! Take care of the things that have been entrusted to us! And the more faithful we are, even if it is the least, the more we will have the opportunity to give the love we carry in our heart! The more love we have, the more we can help others to water their grass instead of ONLY bragging about ours! And in return, the more we can offer what this world has so little of, humility! And perhaps, when we can do that, others will be attracted to our yard and then we can give an endless amount love, without a price tag!

Learn to trust, again

Do you remember? Do you know where you were? The sounds? The smells? The things going on around you? Do you recall EVERY SINGLE THING about the day when your trust was broken?! Because I do! And my trust wasn’t broken just once or twice, not three or four times, can’t stop at 5 or 6 either….no…..my number is way too high when it comes down to counting how many times I’ve been deceived OR have been taken advantage of, and I could name every specific detail surrounding each moment in time!

My trauma started at the age of 5. Then again at the age of 9, again at 10, also twice at the age of 14 and unfortunately, it didn’t stop there. So as you can imagine I have always felt like damaged goods! And to make things even worse, I NEVER told one single person! NOPE! Not even my husband! We had been married for about 15 years before I disclosed any of the things that happened to me! I was ashamed, embarrassed, and hated myself for not divulging anything to anyone! And honestly, I tried to push all of those emotions down just so I didn’t have to deal with them! But when you have been through so much, and life goes on, you have to learn how to adjust. You learn to be a spouse (if you choose to marry), you learn to be a parent (if you choose to have children) and things just tend to topple over and everything comes falling out without any warning, whether you want it to or not! At least that’s how it happened for me!

I’m sure some of you are wondering how I can unveil such personal details of my life and why I’m choosing to publicize issues of my own! Well, first of all, everything I’ve written to this point has (LITERALLY) been stuff I’ve been through first hand! And 2nd, if my story helps even one person, then it will be worth it all!

Some people would think after all I’ve been through that I would be this depressed and miserable person who hates life! You’re right, I have been, at times! But once I had no choice (emotionally) but to say the words “I was abused”, that’s when my life got turned upside down! And in the long run, it was just what I needed to happen!

My first step was to see a counselor! Choosing a good one was definitely important, and I hate to say it, but I went through more than one! The next step was to share my story! Once I was able to open up, I started feeling a weight lift off of me! But hear me out……this was NOT an easy, just go talk about your feelings once, and boom it’s done! It took me time and time again to say the words all while sobbing uncontrollably AND I had to decipher who I could trust! I had to become immensely vulnerable each and every time I chose to reveal what I’d been through—and that was a very hard thing to do! To this day, I still have a lot of emotional issues—but I’m working on those!

So what is your story? What have you kept bottled up that nobody knows about? What do you need to reveal in order to truly trust others again? Who or what has been the root of all the pain you have? How can you release all of the emotions that you’ve kept under lock and key for so long? These are all questions that only you can answer! Telling your story might even mean that others judge you, which is what held me back for so long! I guess that will always be a fear that you have to let go!

What I do know is that there ARE people who are placed in our lives at the exact time we need them the most! I also know that, unfortunately, not every single person who I share my story with will continue to be a part of my life. But I’ve learned that the more I’m able to voice my pain to someone I trust, the more my heart begins to heal, regardless if we are friends for life and talk daily, or we move on because our purpose for each other has been served! 

Just like I can recall all the times I was scarred, I can also recall the moment(s) that I began to heal! I can put myself right back in the spot with all the same senses just like I could during all those times when I was being hurt! And now, I can smile, with mist in my eyes, and be oh so thankful for the friends who were willing to hold my hand, give me their shoulders to cry on, and just be there to listen! Not to respond, not to give advice on what to do next, and certainly not to tell me how I could’ve made things better or done them differently! No, they knew I just needed to get it out and THAT helped me heal faster than any self soothing techniques that I’d already tried a hundred times before!

I’m here to encourage you to tell your story! Start with a journal if you need to! But start somewhere! Don’t put it off any longer! When you allow yourself to speak of the pain you’ve been holding on to, you can AND WILL, learn to trust again!