Earn it, if you want it

Maybe it’s just me, but I really feel like in this day and time, there are more and more people who WANT something to be given or awarded to them without having done anything to earn it! And in my honest and very humble opinion, if you are one of those people, then GO EARN IT!!!

I could sit and tell you all day long about the things I feel like should have been given or handed to me throughout my life! Childhood AND adulthood alike! Embarrassing, I know! But If I’m honest, and I try to always be an open book, then I could definitely admit that I have felt entitled to things that I know I didn’t earn! Why? Good question! Have you ever felt entitled even though you know without a doubt that someone worked harder for it than you? If you answered no, you may want to skip today’s post! Because it’s going to get real up in here today!

I’m guessing that by now there are several ideas you have rolling around in your head and wondering if we’re on the same page! And what exactly am I talking about when I say the word “earn”?! Glad you asked!

What’s funny to me (because it doesn’t take much to make me laugh) is when I started writing today’s blog, it was none other than household chores that came to mind! Stay with me! My husband and I both work and our kids, of course, go to school. They are both involved in sports throughout the year, and our oldest has been working for about 6 months, to start saving for college. So needless to say, chores are the last thing that anybody wants to do! So as I’m sitting in the quiet because I’m home alone, thank God for silence, I am also looking at a very dirty house wishing that someone else would hurry up and get home to start cleaning! The irony, right?! But seriously, I immediately thought to myself, “if you want a clean house, get up and do it your damn self!” Hence the central theme, earn it, if you want it.

I’m sure some of y’all are a little disappointed that I jumped on here to talk about chores, so now let’s talk about the OTHER things you need to earn, if you want it!

My first question would be, what is it that you want or are expecting? Do you want respect? Do you want a certain position at work? Do you want to be called and considered the best in a sport? Do you want a car? A house? Are you looking to be named employee of the month or even the year? The list could go on and on! But the ending will also ALWAYS be the same! Earn it, if you want it!

Give others a reason to respect you! Give 110% in order to get that position! Put in the practice until you can’t mess up! Quit buying the candy, soda, and smokes and put your money back for the perfect car or house! Go above and beyond to show your coworkers and boss that you love your job and aren’t afraid to work! Find the person you want to emulate and be better than them! Go out and earn it, IF YOU WANT IT!

If you choose NOT to take action and earn what you have your eye on, then don’t be upset or disappointed when you get passed over! And please, don’t play the blame game or say how you were cheated! Because in the end, you had to the chance and the same opportunity as the people around you! Dedication and genuineness is how you earn what you want!

So you have 2 choices today friend!

1. Let it go and never look back! But don’t complain! 2. Earn it, if you want it! And watch the hard work pay off!!!

You Matter

Have you ever got the feeling that you aren’t liked, loved, or even wanted? Have you ever sat and cried because you’ve wondered if the world would be better off without you? Have you ever wished you could have a complete redo in life from the very get go? Because I have! I have absolutely been there done that on every single level! It’s not fun! In fact, it downright sucks! I don’t care how you look at it and you can spare me the, “those aren’t your people” speech because true or not, it still hurts! I’m still human! And believe it or not, I have feelings!

What I’ve really had to work through my whole life and what I’ve had to learn is the same thing I’m going to say to you: YOU MATTER! I can promise you that it took me over hundred times once I started counseling before I finally allowed myself to think it, say it, and believe it! In fact, if I’m real and honest with you, I ALWAYS thought, said, and believed the opposite! I DIDN’T MATTER! And it didn’t matter whose opinion I was looking at this from! I didn’t matter to my parents (my mom was ill so she doesn’t count), I didn’t matter to my siblings (with the exception of my older brother), I didnt matter to my husband (I’ve always allowed myself to believe this lie), nor did I matter to anybody else in my life!

Thankfully, after several years of counseling, she helped me to understand that the negative thinking was from the enemy! She helped me to see that those negative thoughts that were continuously rolling around in my head, were NOT TRUE! And I hope that by the end of this blog, you too will understand that YOU DO MATTER!

There is absolutely power in our mind and thoughts! The way we think and speak about ourselves, that’s how others will see us! Basically, we set the stage for how we will be viewed by others. Example: My step dad never attended our school activities or church. His famous saying was, “I’m fat and people will stare.” Well, as a child the last thing that was on the forefront of my brain was him being “fat”! But because he used it as an excuse to miss EVERYTHING, I began to see him as a “fat person”, because that was how he trained me to think ABOUT HIM!

Unfortunately, this set a pattern for the way I thought about myself as well as others, at times! But mainly I saw myself as unworthy! Unworthy of love! Unworthy of relationships! Even unworthy of being happy! And when you go years of believing you have no worth, it takes a toll on your mind and on your emotions!

So I’m here to tell you, you are worthy! You are worthy of being loved, cared for, and wanted! You matter to more people than you realize! And if you were to leave, somebody’s world would fall apart! You have to find a way to speak positivity to yourself EVERY SINGLE DAY! You MUST find a way to show others that you won’t tolerate being deemed as less than! You MUST find the strength to use your own voice to speak the truth about yourself! YOU DO MATTER! To accept anything less, would be cheating yourself!

There are still times where I fall back into the trap of depression and anxiety and allow myself to forget that I DO MATTER! But I also make phone calls or plan coffee dates with the people in my life that I know will help build me back up! Life is hard and its extremely easy to fall into the realm of negative thinking! But YOU AND I BOTH need to look in the mirror each day and remind ourselves that WE DO MATTER! I don’t care how ridiculous you think you look, you know you already talk to yourself when no ones around, so this shouldn’t be too much! Close the door, look in the mirror and repeat the following over and over: I matter! I am worthy! I am loved! I am enough! Then go and live your life according to everyone of those lines! Because you do matter! You are worthy! You are loved! And you are enough!

Losing a parent, not one, but two

I wonder how many people read my blog and wonder how I’m not in the nut house! Afterall, I’ve thought about running away at a young age, I’ve given hitchhikers rides (before cellphones and because I was mad at my husband), and I’ve tripped out because my husband said hi to a 14 year old neighbor! I think its pretty obvious that medicine is the only thing keeping me from going over the edge to the point of no return! But nonetheless, here is my story! Grab a snack and a drink, this could be long!

My mom married my dad at the age of 18. They had their first child, a girl, when my mom was 20. They had their second child, a boy, when my mom was 24. And then I came along on July fourth, 1979 and my mom was 28. I can only imagine the busyness that came with 3 kids. Because we were all 4 years apart, I imagine there wasn’t much bonding going on. And since I was a baby, I don’t really recall these times. When I was only 6 months old, tragedy struck my family. Our dad came down with a sickness that couldn’t be cured (in those days) and on January 10, 1980 he succumbed to his illness. His death certificate says he died from Guillain-Barre Syndrome. My mom and others often wondered if his illness came from serving as a Green Beret in the U.S Army and his death possibly caused by Agent Orange, but either way, he was gone and my family was devastated! She was a widow at the age of 28 with 3 kids, one of which was a baby! Her world was shattered! She lost her one true love, her partner in life, the father of her 3 children, and her best friend! I really don’t know how she managed to continue to do life, other than she had amazing friends who refused to let her give up! All of her family lived off and the only thing she had left here were her children and friends! Oh how thankful I am for the ones who wrapped their arms around her and us kids!!!

Fast-forward a few years! Our mom would go on to marry her second husband, Mike, in 1982. Although he knew what he was walking into, I kind of feel like he didn’t TRULY know. Here he was, a few years younger than my mom, no kids of his own, and he was willing to say, “I do” and take on the role of being a step-dad to 3 kids. Just like that! When they married my sister was 11, my brother was 7, and I was 3. According to Mike, he thought I was a demon when I didn’t get my way and my head would spin around a few times before they could calm me down! You would think that would’ve been a sign for him to hit the door running, but he didn’t!

As if our life wasn’t crazy enough, my mom (at the age of 36) and step-dad decided they needed to add one more addition. So on July 14, 1987 they welcomed our half-brother. At this point, they had a 16 year old, a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and a newborn. Things were getting fun!

Our life wasn’t anywhere near perfect to begin with and now they were left trying to figure out how to deal with teenagers and newborns all at the same time! It was a chore and all 4 of us gave them a run for their money! There are definitely some good memories, but there are also some very haunting memories (at least FOR ME)!

As if our family hadn’t suffered enough loss, our mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s in early 2003 at the age of 52. BUT, at that appointment, they told her she’d had it for at least 10 years!!! So that puts her being diagnosed at the age 42 and her life expectancy was approximately 10 more years. The next five years were anticipated to be “good” meaning she would still be able to do most things on her own. But then the following five years we would see her decline and this illness would begin to take such an unforgiving toll on not only her mind, but her body too!

Knowing what I know now, I wish my mom didn’t have to hear that news. From the day they told her what was going on, she broke! The disease that has no cure engulfed her emotions and she was never the same! Although we tried to do everything we could to reassure her that she wouldn’t go through it alone, it didn’t matter. She KNEW she was sick! She KNEW there was no turning back time! And she KNEW there was no getting better!

The doctors were right. She had about 5 years where we could still carry on pieces of conversations and she could do small things on her own. But it seems like once she lost or forgot how to do something such as eating, her body and mind declined faster than anybody would have guessed.

Although my step-dad honored her wish and never put her in a nursing home, the years where she was bedbound with a feeding tube were nothing to be happy about. **I’m not placing blame for the decisions he made; I’m simply speaking from a daughter’s point of view.

Over the years while mom continued to decline in health, it seems like my family disintegrated even more than we already were. Illness/Sickness and death can bring out the ugly! There are relationships that will most likely never be restored and I can’t help but wonder, what if mom were still here? What would it be like if she hadn’t received the news that took her from us all those years ago? And what if there HAD BEEN a cure for Alzheimer’s?  There’s no way to know, so why dwell on it. Right?

On October 18th, 2018 my mom drew her last breath on this earth! I was relieved and crushed all at the same time. I wanted her healed, on THIS side of heaven. I wanted HER back! Her, not her with the disease! I felt cheated, again! Because here I was at the age of 39 years old, I felt like an orphan. Yes, I was married with 2 children of my own, but I had no parents.

Growing up with a step-dad was hard enough. I didn’t get to have memories of my biological dad, so I always felt sad about that! Then when my half-brother came along, I felt pushed to the back burner like I was only there to take the blame for things that went wrong. And now, I was saying a final goodbye to the only parent I had left!

Thankfully, I have my “other moms” that I can go to! But as much as I love them, they’ll never be able to take the place of my mom! Although they have certainly stepped in and filled shoes when my dad passed, as well as when my mom passed and I’m forever grateful and thankful for them!

Life has been hard for me. It’s never been a cakewalk and I don’t see any of that changing. I think I will always have to fight the sadness, depression, and anxiety that comes with losing not just one parent, but two! But I do know that I have the option to lean on others or try to do things on my own—and to be honest, that’s never gone well! If you can relate—I’m sure there is someone that can, please know you’re not alone! Reach out to others and know that in the end, you will be okay!

I’m talking, but nobody’s listening

The title of today’s blog kind of makes me chuckle! I mean afterall, isn’t that what a blog is for? I get to rattle about whatever random thoughts pop into my head! And if I’m lucky there will be a few people who scroll across it and decide to see what weird or crazy moments I have going on now! I cant promise that today’s blog won’t be much different! But like always, I hope you stay to the end!

Out of the 30ish blogs I’ve written so far, there are only a few that I look back on and can see why they didn’t get noticed by more than a few people. But most of what I write talks about real issues of life (okay–MY issues), and I’m really shocked when I look and only 5 people viewed it (because at this point I have no way of knowing if they actually read them)! Lol! But seriously, I feel like I could save a lot of people some pain if only they would read my blogs because then they would know what NOT TO DO!

What’s really sad is, I’ve gone as far to try and bribe my fb peeps to help share my blogs! NO LIE! I’ve offered up to $50 if they would only share my articles. And yes, all they had to was share, but the article had to receive 75 views before any money would be given away! Let’s just say, its happened once! I mean seriously, I can’t even give away money in exchange for people to read my blogs!!! Please tell me I’m not the ONLY desperate blogger who just wants people to read my sad sob stories and think its the BEST THING EVER since mac-n-cheese! Or am I?!?! **SIGH**

Maybe I’m going about this whole “I want my blog to be noticed” in the wrong way?! Maybe what I write really isn’t as intriguing as it sounds? Maybe trying to push out one every day is too much? Or maybe I reveal way too much as I’m typing out every single word?! I guess in the end, all that matters is that it seems to be very therapeutic for me! And if it gets just 1 view, maybe it meant the world to that one person! Perhaps if what I write is meant to be seen world wide, it will be, in the right timing?!

I have a feeling that I’m not the ONLY blogger who feels this way! So perhaps if you happen to come across THIS particular article, you could like it, share it, or give me some feedback! Ya know, tips on how to get my blog noticed by others?! Anything would be better than silence! Haha!

Catch you all on the other side!

I am…

Having this as a tattoo tends to draw attention and people will often ask what it means! If you’re curious, stick around!

I got the idea from a tattoo that read, “I am worthy” and I knew I wanted something very similar, because my entire life I have struggled with self worth!

I don’t recall A LOT of moments of not liking myself during my childhood! But somewhere from being a child to a teenager things took a really bad turn! Not only did I not like, let alone love, myself! But I didn’t allow others to either! Thankfully, I had some pretty amazing friends who were willing to overlook my negativity and they stood by me through all my crazy moments!

The things I do recall from way back when are all the times I wanted to self harm! All the times I wanted to run away (literally), but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my mom! All the times I sat and cried because I didn’t feel one ounce of love from my step-dad! And all the times I felt worthless and wished I was anything but alive!

Unfortunately not much changed even after I married my husband at the age of 19–may as well say 20! And bless his heart, he had NO CLUE the struggles I carried around! He had no idea about the hurt that was embedded so deep in my heart that it would eventually come between us! And he never suspected that someone could cover up so much pain! And because I never revealed the anger and hurt, it festered!

It wasn’t until my marriage was on the brink of divorce that I had a breakdown! And everything that I had held in for SO MANY YEARS, came tumbling out! At that point the only option I had, if I wanted my family to stay together, was counseling!

I don’t really remember how many sessions I had where I didn’t just sit and cry and tell one haunting detail of my trauma at a time! But it was definitely more than you can count on two hands and two feet together! NOT exaggerating!!! Throughout each session my counselor would continue to tell me I am…, but I never allowed myself to believe her! The damage had already been done and for a really long time I only knew what I had been taught! I had no worth!

I wish I could say that I continuously went to counseling without “quitting” and I was able to turn my life around! I tend to make everything a little more difficult than I should, so once I got comfortable with sharing and thought I was better, I would jump off the train! For the record, I don’t recommend that! Any like most things, when you stop doing what you know “works”, things begin to unravel WAY faster than you can gain control!

I’m very blessed that each time I walked back through the door, I was welcomed with open arms, because that sure isn’t how things were growing up! And it was during one of these sessions that something inside me finally clicked and I realized my counselor had been right all along, and I am…

I don’t always live my life according to the words I have etched on the surface of my skin, but when life takes me through dark storms I simply look down and remind myself: I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough!

T.H.O.S.E KIDS

I’m sure as you read that title, you had a handful of kids pop up in your head. I know I do that frequently. You probably even started thinking of what kind of parenting they REALLY need and possibly what kind of consequences you would hand down if YOU were the parent! Am I right? You can be honest with yourself! I’ll go first, I have totally been there done that. And yes, I have a story that will fit right into today’s blog.  If you clicked on today’s story, make sure you finish to the end! And if you can relate or decide that someone you know could benefit from my words, give it a share!

When my youngest was 2, he had an infected lymph node. The doctors really weren’t concerned and reassured us it would take care of itself. Well, it didn’t and it got HUGE. While we were in the play area at McDonald’s, another child popped Kam between the ears (because he wanted to)! The mom in me jumped up and grabbed the child by the arm and proceeded to give him the what for. NOT EVEN LYING! I told him that IF I was his mother I would be spanking his butt! I also told him that if he touched my kid again I would spank his butt. Let’s just say, he left Kamden alone afterwards. Am I proud of this moment? Not really! Did I overreact? Yup! And in THAT moment, I became one of those parents who decided that his guardian wasn’t capable of handling his behavior so I took it upon myself to handle it my way! OUCH!

Perhaps you’ve never gone as far as I did physically, but I would be willing to lay down a paycheck that you have certainly either thought about it or wished you could. One of my famous sayings years ago was, “let me take them home for one night, just give me one night”. I was so confident that I could do a better job and I could make them behave for the rest of their lives after just one night. Looking back, I had no idea how disturbing my thoughts about other children really were. And NOW……now that I’ve seen first hand what some kids deal with, KNOWING they don’t choose to have a disability, I’m embarrassed and sad that I even remotely thought that I could “FIX” a child by doing a better job than their parents!

I’ve been a teacher for 10 years now, although I’ve worked with kids for almost 20 in some manner. Head start, daycares, and now teaching. So I’ve had a lot of experience in seeing how children behave and react to the environment they are in. Sometimes kids have it altogether and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they are very well loved, fed, clothed, spoiled, and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes the kids are able to sit on a rug or in a desk and concentrate on everything the teacher is saying and they can regurgitate everything they heard, and sometimes you come across THOSE kids who do not have the ability to let you say your name and they are already doing something that will ensure them to be in trouble—I didn’t say it would be on purpose!

What I’ve experienced over the past 7 months is—THOSE kids—the ones YOU think could do better—-they WISH they could do better too! They would love nothing more than to walk into your room, put their stuff away, and wait for instructions without getting in trouble! Not one single kid, including the one(s) your thinking about WANTS to be the center of attention—especially when it’s negative! I’m sure you’re asking, why don’t they just mind? Why can’t they just behave the way you want them to? And WHY do they continue to make THOSE choices? Well honey, if you think they wake up each day wondering how they can get under your skin, you think way too highly of yourself! **again, been there done that**

Let me just get right to the point—you’re welcome!

PTSD, BPD, ADHD, PARANOIA, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, ODD, OCD—and the list goes on, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM………..ARE REAL!!!!!!! Do you really think that if it was as simple as turning on/off a switch that they would continue to misbehave when they know without a doubt there will be a consequence? Do you really think they WANT or LIKE the fact that they have NO CONTROL over what is happening to them? And for the love of everything good, are you so conceited (I was) that you think you could do such a better job at raising them so they wouldn’t make choices that causes them to constantly be seen in a negative manner? Please go educate yourself! Because this has nothing do YOU!!! This is all about them and what their little minds and bodies have to endure on a DAILY bases that is out of their control!

Being an adult who has to conquer at least 4 of the above mentioned “disabilities” EVERY SINGLE DAY, I can assure you that the way THOSE KIDS behave (or misbehave) is not a choice! I do not choose to go from a calm chilled atmosphere to smoke rolling out of my head ON PURPOSE—it’s just what happens when my mind gets over loaded. What may seem so innocent and unintentional to one person, can be oh so very detrimental to me, which in return causes me to react in ways that others deem as childish, immature, ridiculous, and even unprofessional! But if I knew a way to turn off a switch that would allow me to roll with the mishaps in each moment, I would do it in a heartbeat! But that’s the problem! I DON’T KNOW HOW!  And guess what? Neither do THOSE KIDS!!!

As adults, we HAVE to do better! We HAVE to find some understanding! We HAVE to be educated when it comes to kids who have disabilities that can’t be seen! We HAVE to find a way to build a relationship and give grace when they can’t be an overcomer in every single situation! We HAVE to realize when to pick our battles with what it is we are wanting/needing from THOSE KIDS! And we HAVE to realize that this isn’t a game they’re playing! And I promise, you COULD NOT do a better job at parenting!!!!

Perhaps if everybody would pull together and be an advocate for THOSE KIDS, what an amazing life they would have! If everybody would have a little bit of grace, patience, understanding, forgiveness, and L.O.V.E then they could have a very successful life, one day at a time! My heart goes out to every parent who is raising one of THOSE KIDS and the criticism you and them have to deal with! And I am here to encourage you…….keep doing you! Keep loving them and knowing that NO ONE can do a better job than YOU! And keep fighting for them, because sometimes you will be the only on in their corner!!!

I was one of THOSE KIDS and I’ve even been one of THOSE ADULTS! Therefore, my heart will always be for the “underdogs”!!!

Secrets

If I have experience in anything, it is in keeping secrets! There are so many scars that I have and it took me a really long time to reveal the things that I kept inside for WAY TOO LONG!

The thing I have finally learned is how detrimental secrets can be! Keeping things inside never allows you to fully heal! And hiding what you’ve been through, can actually hinder the future friendships and relationships that you are meant to be apart of!

Starting around the age of 10, males begin to notice me! Some were within a few years of me, others were not! Some were neighbors, one was family (my BIL)! But what every incident has in common, I NEVER TOLD ANYONE!!! I kept everything a secret because I didn’t want to be viewed as a liar, jealous, or instigator! Every single incident causes some vile to creep up in the back of my throat, even as I’m telling you!

See, I was so use to this kind of behavior from males, that I guess I thought it was normal. Or maybe I just was too scared! I dont know why I kept it to myself, other than I knew that what was happening was wrong, but I somehow thought I would be blamed!

I won’t go into every story, mainly because I’m not sure the age of my audience, but I’m going to touch on a few. This is a fair ⚠️ in case you want to come back tomorrow!

Actually***I cant. Without tears streaming down my face knowing that there isn’t one incident worse or better than any other–I just cant. I can tell you, without a doubt, on several occasions, God intervened! I dont know why, but I remember my brother calling my name as I was about to be raped and it scared the kid off! But he never knew! My brother had no idea what was happening! And it was only 2 years ago when I decided to share this gut wrenching story with him! So for about 25 (or more) years, I’ve replayed the agonizing situation on repeat because it was a secret and how ignorant would I look for bringing up the past?! Thankfully my brother responded by engulfing me in a deep hug surrounded by silence and let me grieve something that I’d kept to myself for so many years!

My husband, he got the bad end of the deal! Because the one who should’ve known every chilling detail to every situation, he was clueless! He had no idea the physical/sexual trauma that I had been through until 15 or so years into our marriage. And literally, one day I fell apart! I started with one story and couldn’t help it………I had diarrhea of the mouth at that point and there was no turning back! Inthink every emotion you can feel as a human went flooding through him that day! And the one thing that I couldn’t give him, was why I had never said anything! But I STILL don’t know!

If what I just told you wasn’t enough, I’ve also kept secrets as an adult! I’m not perfect and neither are you! And I absolutely know things that I wish I didn’t!!! But I also know keeping secrets for others has its own consequences! But it is not my job or my place to reveal what was told to me in confidence! Even if a friendship fades, who am I to destroy someone else? And don’t get me wrong, I hate knowing some of the things I know, BUT….

As you see, secrets can be very unhealthy and detrimental if you’re not careful! If you TRULY can’t tell a loved one, get a counselor! Unless it is illegal, they CANNOT tell a soul! And I can tell you, I’ve opened up more to my counselor about certain things because I didn’t want to or couldn’t bring myself to speak about them with my husband! (Yes he knows everything NOW)! The best thing you can do for your own health–mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually…….don’t keep secrets bottled up! Phone a friend or relative–but don’t go through life thinking you don’t have a choice–because you do!

5 Toxic traits…don’t be THAT person

I think we all know, there are just some things that you should not do! Even if you don’t want friends and you’re a hermit, there are still things that should be a given! Unfortunately, there really are some people out there who wonder why their social life is nonexistent as well as why coworkers pass them by with just a smile. **full disclosure, I’ve been there done that on every level** so I get to give advice! You can take it or leave it, but I will say that I was a very unhappy person during the times I chose to be toxic! Looking back, I wish I had known how much smoother friendships and/or relationships could have been!

Blaming: let’s talk about this! If you are one of those who always find a way or a reason to blame everyone around you, you’re toxic! Admitting your mistakes is not easy, but when when you deny your mistakes, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re not cool man! Sometimes, all it takes is a simple apology! However, if you have to follow your apology with, “but…” then perhaps you should stop talking. You’re either remorseful or you’re not! Can’t have it both ways!

Bossy: This is a a NO NO! Especially if you (hear me now) ARE NOT A BOSS!!! You make yourself look very silly when you delegate jobs for your colleagues when you weren’t asked to do so! When you take it upon yourself to be bossy, you are toxic!

Deceitful: Here is yet another trait that tends to make others not like you! If you make a mistake, own it! Don’t try to lie your way out of anything. You will be found out in the end! Promise! Plus, being deceitful makes you……..TOXIC!

Untrustworthy: Don’t be the person who breaks somebody else’s trust! If you are given information, don’t share without permission! Instead, be grateful that someone chose you as a confidant! The minute you break trust by “only sharing with so and so”, you become….you got it……TOXIC!

Unreliable: Do what you say you’ll do! It’s that simple! If you aren’t willing to show up and do what needs to be done, then sit down and be quiet. You don’t have to volunteer in order to be “seen”, especially if you are going to back out! Others want to know who they can count on! When you sign up, then you better be prepared to show up! Want to know why? Because when you are unreliable you ARE TOXIC!

Some of you are reading this and thinking, “duh!” But I promise there are really people out there that need to hear this! And if reading any of these legitimately offends you, you may already be a toxic person!

Old habits are hard to break, BUT the good news is, YOU CAN CHANGE!!! It is NOT too late to be the one who: 1. Takes responsibility. 2. Asks instead of demanding. 3. Is Truthful. 4. Is Trustworthy 5. Is Reliable. But you have to be willing to look in a mirror and be honest with yourself, otherwise others will always see you as……TOXIC!

Stop A.S.SU.M.I.N.G

I’m sure by now we both know what the word assume means! If not, stop reading and come back tomorrow–this post might not be for you!

If I only had a penny for every time I have placed blame where it didn’t belong, I would be off to a really great start on a college fund! Because me flying off the handle before having the facts is my specialty! You would think after 2 or 3 times of jumping to conclusions (and being wrong) that I would realize the world isn’t as crappy as I make it out to be, but then my life would much less dramatic! You see, I am one of those people who has a low tolerance for nonsense, so I take the information I have (or think I have) and run with it. I’m so great at “putting people in their place”, that I just react!

Here’s an example– I was a teacher at the same school as my children. I took my class for a restroom break and I see my oldest child coming out of an empty room with his teacher, who isn’t smiling! Something in me snapped and without saying a single word to her, I shew him back into the room and start drilling him! I mean, full name, mom voice, the whole nine yards! If he tried to “explain” I didn’t wait to hear him out and I would lay into him again! Well, in the end, he was the one person who saw something go down with some classmates and his teacher had simply pulled him aside to find out what happened! Yeah……….not one of my finest mom moments! I could literally go on and on with stories that are so embarrassing, but oh so true when it comes to me reacting before having every piece of information I need! Im trying to be better!!!

Much to my dismay, I have actually been on the other end of that ugly word as well! And it’s not fun! A very vivid moment that sticks out and has left some deep scars happened when I was about 16 years old. I was on the phone with a friend when my younger brother (by 8 years) came in our back door screaming and had blood running down his head. My parents immediately started yelling at me to leave him alone! It wasn’t until after they assumed I did something to be mean that they realized that he actually had been shot in the head, with a pellet gun! No, it wasn’t me–thanks for wondering! In the end–he was okay! But I have to say, it stills bothers me to this day, that I got blamed for something that had nothing to do with me! I really am working on letting things go!!!

I tell you both of these stories to show you how great of an impact assuming has! It doesn’t matter if you’re the one placing blame or the one taking the blame, someone is getting hurt! And maybe you don’t hold onto things like I do, OR maybe you’re like my husband and you let others think what they want without caring! But for me, there is no greater disappointment than for someone to assume that I did or did not do something and I catch heat because they were wrong!

As I start to bring this one to an end, I can’t help but to chuckle to myself as I type out how ridiculous I really am and have been at times! I mean, who in the world holds onto something for 25 years? Me–that’s who! But I do have to say: if you only knew some of the ridiculous stories that are running through my mind–you would be just as amused as I am! And even though I can look back and laugh at myself, I’m here to remind you (as well as myself) at how our words and sometimes actions really do affect others when we assume!

So perhaps you and I can both decide to give grace before getting ahead of ourselves and make situations worse! And I hope that IF you are like me and you’re quick to judge, that you are also quick to admit your faults and apologize! But wouldn’t everyone be better off if we all would stop A.S.S.U.M.I.N.G?!