Picture this…

Scenario 1:

“I’ve told you ten times to sit down!”

(Snaps fingers) “focus!”

“I said stop doing that!”

“You can owe me your recess! I told you to get busy!” “No! You can’t leave the room again!”

“Sit down and stop squirming!” “You’re not going anywhere until you finish!”

Kid turns in work…

(Scored a 60)

“You didn’t really try! Im disappointed in you for not doing better. If you would’ve focused and did your work, you could’ve made a MUCH better score! Bathroom? I guess! It sure is a shame you didn’t try!”

Teacher and student both leave for the day defeated!

Scenario 2:

“You got this! You ARE smart! You are amazing and this test shows me how much you’ve learned”

“Keep working hard! You’re doing great!”

“Restroom? Give me 5 more minutes of your very best!”

“You’re almost there! Don’t give up! I know it’s hard, but you CAN do this!”

Kid turns in work…

(Scored a 60)

“Wow!!! Look at you! See?!?! I knew you could do it! You did great! Good job!”

Teacher and student both leave feeling on top of the world!

Students will believe what they’ve been taught to believe!

My teacher hates me? “I’m worthless and will never be able to live up to my teacher’s expectations. Why try?!”

My teacher loves me? “I know I can do anything my teacher puts in front of me! I am loved and worthy of teaching and will give 110% to make my teacher smile!”

Scenario 1 happens WAY too often! Kids are no longer allowed go be kids! They are judged way too harshly! They learn at a young age if their efforts will be valued or not! May this NEVER be YOUR child!

Scenario 2 should be happening EVERY SINGLE DAY! May you always be this educator!

Whatever precious souls are placed in your path–it is done for a reason! Don’t take your gift for granted! Love each and every student as if they belong to you–for they do indeed belong to you for 8 hours a day! YOU my friend were chosen to guide and lead them! YOU are the one who is suppose to believe in them–especially when they dont believe in themselves! Speak encouraging words to them AND about them! Nothing less! Ever! Watch them blossom and become your best student!

THIS is what brings TRUE satisfaction and joy to the world! For the students today will become the adults of tomorrow! It is NOT just up to the parents…….for it takes a village!

What does your village say about you?!

Drop the Labels

Man! This word keeps coming back around in some way, shape, or form and I just can’t shake it! So here I am listening to my husband snore and typing out the importance that this word can hold–if we let it!

I’d be willing to bet that, like me, you’ve been labeled! And no…..I don’t mean the ones you’re proud to wear! Im pretty sure you (my readers) could choose a word–any word– and I can bet it’s been thrown at me at some point in my life! Possibly the same words that have been thrown around and placed on you! But the things is, I’m so damn tired of wearing a label that I’ve allowed OTHERS to put on me! It’s kind of like the whole “kick me” signs that would get placed on the ‘not cool’ kid in school. SO, I’ve decided that I’m taking the labels off and replacing what and who others have said I am with what I know to be the truth of who I REALLY am!

For some reason, I’ve let 4 decades go by before deciding that I am the only person who gets to choose how I live! Example: I’ve lived defeated regarding my self-esteem for a super long time! Why? The words said to me FOR SO MANY YEARS WERE: “I may be fat, but you’re ugly and I can diet!” No joke y’all! So here I am at the age of 41 trying to tell myself that I am more than what was spoken to me–even though it was daily! And it’s not an easy thing to get over, especially when it was the one person who was supposed to show me what it was like to be loved by a man! Yup, good ole step dad! He left some pretty deep scars if you want to know the truth! But I’m more than HIS label! And I’m finally laying it down and walking away! And listen, by no means is that the only label I’ve continued to carry around and by no means is he the only person who has placed labels on me. But because I’m wired to want the approval of others, his was the one I tried so hard to win—and never did!

So I would ask you, what labels do you need to throw away? What are you carrying that isn’t yours to carry? Because now would be a really good time for you to put it down, and walk away with your head held high knowing that you are more than what was spoken over you! Is it easy? Hell no! Will it be worth it? You tell me! Will it give you more confidence? Then it’s worth it! Will it give you back your genuine smile? Then it’s worth it! Will it allow you to live freely as the person that your TRUE friends and family know you to be? Then it’s worth it!

I’m learning that what other people think or say about me……is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!! I can’t lie to you and say that I 100% don’t care……but I’m learning not to! I’m learning, constantly, that my happiness is chosen by me, not by what others say or do! I can take care of ME! I can control ME! I am the only me there is……and I have decided, that I matter!

YOU MATER TOO! Drop the labels!!!

Marriage–it isn’t always bliss

I’ve seen so many youngsters getting married here recently and like most people–it brings a smile to my face! I love seeing the love in the newly weds eyes, even if it it’s through pictures! I wish everyone of them nothing but joy and long lasting love!

This May Ryan and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary! And as awesome as it is that I can say that he hasn’t divorced me or killed me–sometimes a number is exactly that–just a number!! I do think it is an accomplishment and I am thankful that I’m not a single mother having to figure life out on my own, but I can honestly say that the last 22 years have not always been great! In fact, things have straight up been hard at times! Just this last fall we were actually on the brink of divorce, but thanks be to God–we decided to give it one more shot!

But the thing is–marriage isn’t always bliss! And I really just don’t think that I’m the only person who knows this to be true, but nobody else is bringing it up! No matter the reason, sometimes people fall out of love! And maybe, perhaps, they even fall out of “like”!!! And I’m not saying that marriages can’t be put back together (mine was) just like I’m not saying that the love can’t be rekindled (mine was), but what do you say to a friend who is battling one or both of these in his/her own marriage?!

I think its really important to have a very real and open communication conversation with your significant other. Establish (together) how you will handle the difficult moments-My husband and I did NOT do this until a few years ago–at that point, it was almost too late! But both parties have to be willing to LISTEN TO EACH OTHER! If you feel that you have to be right ALL THE TIME–there may not be any hope for happiness! If you feel that you have to be in charge all the time–there may not be hope! If you feel or act like your feelings are the only ones that matter–there really may not be any hope!

If you’ve followed me at all you know that everything I write–I’ve been through myself and today’s blog is no different! You see, yesterday as I went for a run (8 miles to be exact), I got very upset and flat out mad at Ryan over a water stop. Yes–it sounds ridiculous! And the details as to why I got mad dont even matter! What I’m getting at is, marriage isn’t always bliss–and too often we neglect to talk about this topic! I realize that every marriage is different, but I refuse to believe that there is a “perfect marriage”! If you have one–we need to talk!

So when you come up against a wall in your marriage–then what? How do you tell your spouse their being (insert a word) without making things worse?!?!? Because even though I’m about to hit tge 22nd year of being married to this man—-I still get mad! I still find fault–because I have a temper! And I still want to yell very ugly obscenities at him when things go awry! And all I can ask myself, usually after I’ve yelled them is–how could I have done that differently?! But the thing is……I’m not the only one who makes mistakes! Im not the only who one is “misunderstood”or who does all of the “misunderstanding”! And I’m not the only one who needs to apologize!

So why isn’t this talked about more? Why aren’t more married couples willing to admit that marriage isn’t always bliss? And I totally get that not every fight or argument needs to be publicly announced! And honestly, that could even be a reason as to why there are misuderstsndings–telling everyone except the one who matters! And I don’t mean going to a confidant! I mean getting on social media and blasting that Jojo is a sorry S.O.B and can go live with Karen and her 4 kids but he better not come knocking on your door to come home! Some things just don’t need to be typed out and posted! It could save some drama!!! For real!!!!

But when there is a legitimate concern in someone’s marriage–what advice would you give? What if some things can’t be talked or “reasoned” out? What next? What if one party (it would be Ryan in my case) has put up with the childish ways of their spouse to the point, they just want to wash their hands and walk away? What if those “talks” I mentioned, can’t be had because one or both parties don’t want to listen to the other? Do you live in silence and ride it out–even though one or both are completely unhappy? Or does it take going to extremes (talking to a lawyer) to decide that something has to change or other things will change?! And no, I’m not promoting divorce–literally just did everything I could to save mine! But when I observe married couples (my new side hobby), I can totally tell you where they are on the marriage scale! Are they newly weds, are they celebrating a 1 year anniversary, 10th, or even 50th? Its really not hard to tell. So when I’m out and about I make observations that make my head turn cockeyed–because silence is golden and should have been used– it just isn’t hard to pin point where the struggles are!

But can EVERY marriage be saved?!?!?!?Unfortunately, the answer is no! I know people who only made it through a few months of marriage, a few years of marriage, and I even know couples who have been married for more than 4 decades and still ended up in a divorce! I will say that the longer you’re married, the more you have to try! The more you have to be willing to give, AND NOT JUST TAKE! The more you have to be willing to talk and LISTEN–God gave us 2 ears and one mouth! That’s so we can listen twice the amount that we talk!

So for you youngsters that are still in your honeymoon stage: have conversations and decided how you will handle the hard topics that you will encounter! Decide how you each need to deal with things when it isn’t what you planned. Example: do you need to be left alone for a bit? Or do you need to talk right away?! But have a plan! Hard topics will come–hard things will happen–and your marriage won’t always be bliss—but hang on with all of your might–and to God–and let him guide your hearts when they’re hurt!!!

When you’re misunderstood…

STORY OF MY LIFE!

M.I.S.U.N.D.E.R.S.T.O.O.D

I can’t put it any plainer or simpler!!! It doesn’t matter if I tell you a life story from my childhood, my tween years, my teenage years, young adult, or full blown adult (age 41), I have always FELT misunderstood! I literally could buy you pizza and beer just because and it would no doubt be used against me! Or I could go days without having a conversation with someone and I would be considered a mean girl–happened recently! Like no joke yall! I’m tired! I’m tired of drama! I’m tired of ugly! I’m tired of worrying about what others say, think, or feel! And I’m most definitely tired of being misunderstood!!!!!

Now if you follow me at all then we both know I do crazy things! So I’m sure I have my haters on here already trying to make sure that E’rebody knows/thinks that I “get what I deserve”! But do I? Do I have to live with consequences from my bad choices for the rest of my life?! Because yes, I’ve caused A LOT of self inflicted pain that wasn’t necessary whether it be by my actions or words! Guilty, I’ll admit! But whatever happened to giving someone “the benefit of the doubt”?!?! Why are we (guilty as well) still “assuming” that people can’t, don’t or won’t change? And I get it……..some people absolutely choose NOT to better themselves! But what about those of us who do?! How many times do we have to “prove” ourselves before others stop misunderstanding us???

And listen, I am not innocent of continuing to judged others by their past! But I really am trying to stop dwelling 1. In the past and 2. On the negative. In my own life (first and foremost), as well on what others have done–speficially when it pertains to me! But I’m losing a whole lot of patience with the ones who praise Jesus on Sundays, but continue to gossip and treat others with disrespect Monday through Saturday all because…….they can! Or because they misunderstand me! And yes I am a Christian through and through! Am I perfect…….we already know that answer! But on a WEEKLY basis I am around some pretty cold hearted folks who forget that they too, are imperfect! And it is these people who make me question my very own existence, because afterall, my ways are not their ways, therefore I am misunderstood!!!

All I really want is a fresh start! From everybody! Starting with my husband and my kids! From my blood family to my frinemies! I just want, NO I NEED peace! I need others to know that I’m really not this horrific person who has nothing better to do than to see how I can tick you off! I have been that person—but I’ve moved on and I so wish that others would too!

And I imagine that everybody who reads this has been on one end or the other! I mean, perhaps there truly are those angels on earth who doesn’t judge and usually doesn’t get judged…..but I’d be willing to bet, that most of you can relate to being misunderstood! And the things is, the reason why you have been or maybe you still are misunderstood doesn’t even matter! Your feelings matter, and I’m here to tell you to use your voice! Don’t continue to walk around defeated because you are misunderstood–if that’s how others choose to view you–that’s on them!

Suicide-let’s raise awareness together

“I’m really worried. She’s locked herself in her room and is crying. I’m really scared that she’s is going to hurt herself. I dont know what to do, so I’m calling you.”

These words will forever ring in the back of my head and there’s no erasing them! Why? Because they came from my own mouth to my mom’s best friend. I can’t tell you what the surrounding circumstance was that led her to such sadness, but I can tell you that I was a scared and worried 17 year old daughter who had serious reservations about whether or not my mom would “possibly” take her own life! And everytime I look back on that phone call, my heart breaks again and again.

Looking back this would have been around the time that early onset alzheimers was making an entrance into our family! So perhaps she, unknowingly to me, knew something was going on while also knowing there was nothing she could do to “fix” whatever was broken! But even if that isn’t the case–there was definitely some depression going on to the point where she had me worried about how far she might go to end the pain! After all, for 17 years she continued on with life even after her first true love had been taken so suddenly and left her with 3 kids at the age of 28!

Even though my mom remarried, she never stopped loving my (biological) dad. I know this because she told me so! I recall her throwing her arms around me while sobbing and telling me how much she missed him. She couldn’t understand why he had to leave. She no doubt went through some very deep and dark moments after losing him! She went as far to tell me how easy it would’ve been to send us 3 kids to live with our grandparents. She told me how we were the very reason she kept going. She shared with me, many times, how she just longed to go and be with him! And although I don’t think she ever had a “plan”, I know without a doubt she at least thought about ending the pain that suffocated her way too often!

Oftentimes I wonder how many people would admit that the thought of suicide has crossed their mind! I’ve personally experienced what the pain is like of losing 3 friends to the battle they couldn’t take any longer. And just the other night, Ryan was informed of someone he knew that took his own life. So I can’t help but ponder on what the statistics might show if people were to be honest if they were asked, “have you ever “THOUGHT” about suicide. Before you get mad, go back and read that again. Because it doesn’t say have you planned it! It doesn’t say are you going to do it. It simply says, has the THOUGHT ever crossed your mind? I wouldn’t be shocked if the number of people who were asked was low! Why? Because its not an easy thing to talk about! And not to mention, some people just cant mind their own and would make something out of nothing by turning the question around all in the name of “just trying to help”!

I’m sure by now you’re wondering why I am even blogging about this! Here’s your answer! After going for a 3 mile run–okay, walk–I was hit with a butt load of emotions and ended up throwing myself into a panic attack for about 2 hours. And to be straight up honest–it sucked! While I was trying to just breathe through every breath, I wondered to myself how people do it. For people who go through this deep level of pain on a regular basis–how do they survive?! How do they not succumb to ending this heart wrenching pain that seems to have no end? How are they so brave?! I do not have these attacks often, so when it hit, it hit fast and furious and was not letting up! And all I could do was go back into that moment in time and recall my own mom being in my position! Which caused me to hurt even more. Because back then, I didnt understand what she had possibly lived through that would make her so sad! But now that I’m a mom and I’ve experienced some amazing highs but also some very devastating lows, I understood how she felt that very day!

No matter what the cause behind someone’s pain is–it is real! It doesn’t matter if you see it as big or minute–it’s real! And there’s no explaining to someone else what it actually feels like–if they’ve never been in our shoes! I love my family and I’ve never had a plan, nor do I plan on making one. But I do know that thoughts have gone through my head–and they haven’t always been pretty! Thankfully today, I had the strength to reach out to someone–because that’s not always the case! And what’s even worse than going through emotional trauma-is having no one to reach out to OR not having the strength to reach out!

After my episode today I just really feel like we need to raise awareness together and end the stigma that if the word suicide crosses your mind–then you need to be committed! Or that you’re alone in your thoughts! I understand that some people will never understand the amount of pain it takes for that word to travel through their head–and thank God for that! But I also understand that there are more people walking around–that we know personally-that HAS had that happen and you and I will probably NEVER know it!

Some people are really good at smiling and hiding the pain and some are not! The ones who are able to push the pain aside and wonder if anybody cares–I’m here! I care! I will listen-without judgment! I will sit in silence with you if that’s what it takes! But please know you’re loved! Because today, as I cried for 2 agonizing hours over bottled up emotions-i just wanted the pain to end, and I didn’t care how! And thankfully someone who simply “knows who I am” reached out and offered the same thing to me. They didn’t try to explain things! They didn’t try to tell me how to get up and help myself! They didn’t judge me with their words! They simply listened to the cries of my heart and offered an ear and a prayer of comfort! So if I can EVER be that person for you–I’m here!

Let’s raise awareness—–TOGETHER!

When your voice is unheard…

I’ve always had a really big and loud personality! And I’ve never been one to stand back and hope to go unnoticed! Shocker, I know! And perhaps there have been times when I should have dialed down the attitude and the words that I’ve allowed to fly out of my mouth, especially when I’ve been mad! But I can’t help but wonder if I’ve overcompensated because I felt my voice was unheard for so many years?! And listen, I’m not saying that letting my crazy fly around on the broomstick is acceptable, but I am saying that some people take extreme measures when they don’t feel like they’ve been heard! Does this resonate with anybody?! Or is it just me finding reasons to justify all the crazy?!

Growing up with 3 siblings was a little chaotic. Especially since there were essentially 4 years between each child, except the last one……..he was 8 years behind me. That puts there being 16 years from the first born to the last born. Being the 3rd child wasn’t the greatest! But perhaps is was better than being the guinea pig aka the first born. Haha! All you parents with more than 1 kid know I’m right! And so do all of you who have an older sibling! But seriously, I always FELT like I was kind of the underdog. Whether it is true or not, it was how I FELT! For instance, my first car was a 4 door fugly brown Nova–not cool in the eyes of a 16 year old girl-considering my brother got to drive an almost brand new–beautiful blue-nissan truck! And the youngest was given a vehicle the day he was born–no lie! They pampered that vehicle knowing full well that it would be handed down the day he turned 16! So here I was, just another irresponsible kid in the house whose voice was unheard! And for all of you who are thinking, “at least you had a car” well, the car that was available qas the one car that broke down, OFTEN! Then I was blamed and told, “its because you only know how to put gas and 888 in it!” So…….meh…….not really my best childhood memories all because I had a car.

Moving into adulthood didn’t really change how I was seen. Again, I totally understand and realize that I brought A LOT of repercussions on myself! But the job never really mattered! For some reason I’ve ALWAYS been a magnet to being called to the “office”! And each and every time I walked out feeling like my voice was unheard. And this has been my life on repeat! What hurts the most is–very few of my superiors have taken the time to hear me and understand me. Usually when I get reprimanded I’m never asked about the full situation! It’s just always been assumed (I’ve blogged on that) that I did something out of spite and with absolutely no regards to anybody else! If that doesn’t make your voice feel unheard, then you’re a much stronger person than me!

Even in my marriage and having 2 children I have my DAYS where I feel pretty invisible! It doesn’t matter how sweet and nice I ask for something to be done, 90% of the time it ends with my family wondering when the spawn of Satan himself showed up! No joke! Happened just last night! I asked number 2 to HELP me do something and when he whined and complained I lost every bit of dignity I had! I literally went from, “hey help me real quick” to a red faced screaming monster and ended up taking their phones due to their lack of respect! Again, it goes back to my voice was unheard, IN MY OWN HOUSE, and I tripped! It was an ugly road to go down and you’d think that lessons would be learned by now, on both ends!

I guess I decided to write this particular blog to let others know, I’ve been in your shoes! I know how you feel! And I want to encourage you to keep your head up when you feel the same way I do! Because I’m this loud and free spirited person I usually find a way to be heard, but it typically isn’t the “right” way! So for the ones reading who are shy, don’t want or care to be the center of attention, and just go with the flow (right or wrong) type personality–just know that there are people–like me–who understand how you feel when your voice goes unheard!

When the anxiety and other emotions hit you hard because you feel let down, keep going. Find a confidant and talk until you cry! Holding in all of those emotions will only create more havoc when the feelings of emotions finally topple! Regardless if it is something that happens at home, at work, or goodness forbid even if it happens at Walmart! There WILL come a time when it all comes spilling out and it won’t be pretty! So when you feel that your voice is unheard, find a way to be heard! Find a way to make others listen, you’ll be glad you did!

Laugh often…

I had an impromptu trip to T town yesterday with one of my besties–I’m thankful to have a few! From the moment we left town we laughed nonstop! I cried one when we talked about Jesus, a little quiet when we talked about the stages/friendships of our kids, but then we laughed, ate, laughed, ate some more, and continued to do both until we pulled in her drive at 10:30 p.m. and it was the best trip I’ve had in a really long time.

Sometimes I think we get caught up in the mundane tasks of livimg life and what that entails that we forget to laugh! We forget to take care of US! We forget to let loose and put other things aside for fear. Fear of what you ask? I don’t know, being judge if someone stops by? Our kids or spouses saying how we didn’t cook dinner? Fear of “I’m not there to do to it, whatever shall they do?” I mean seriously! I don’t like it when the dishes pile up (but they do)! I don’t like it when laundry piles up (but it does)! I don’t like it when the bathroom (especially) goes uncleaned (but it does)! And guess what?! Im  human and I hate chores, so all of those things are going to happen anyway! So I took a prime opportunity to leave everything behind for the day, and it proved to be the best choice ever!

Of all the places we went our biggest laugh came from a worker at Dick’s sporting goods. Ryan has been wanting a new G Shock watch so we go in (with our masks on) and ask where the watches are! The man looks very confused and said, “ma’am you know this is a sporting good store, right?” I felt a little silly, but I thought he possibly didn’t understand me so I pointed to my wrist and said I was looking for the “watches”, ya know bc this particular brand is kind of a “sporty” type watch. In the end we just had to walk away because they didn’t have what I was looking for. And maybe you don’t hear the humor, but the guy was dead serious when he told me it was a sporting good store and they didn’t carry sporting good watches! I left a little confused, but it was the best laugh of the night! Maybe it’s because we were hungry, again, or maybe it was because that was our 3rd store, but it will forever be a memory embedded into my head! And those are the best!

I’m asking myself, and you, how many times do we skip these moments in life? How many times do we decline the invite because we think WE HAVE to put chores and other things OVER the opportunity times that will allow us to have fun! I almost did this time and I very quickly realized, never again! The dishes, the laundry, the dusting, the keeping kids in check…..it can all wait! It will ALL be there when I come back! The kids CAN MANAGE without me for a day!

Our mental health is SO IMPORTANT, and way too often we put it on the back burner! And we don’t put it there just to keep it warm, we turn the whole thing off! I honestly didn’t even know how much I needed that time with my Q! She is my go to girl, who knows me like a book, and we laughed until we cried SO MANY TIMES!!!

When the unplanned presents itself, consider going! Everything else will still be there when you get back! And it will be okay! When I got up this morning to find that my children did NOTaTHING, I heavily sighed and went back to my warm bed! Ha! And when I get energy, I’ll go back and pick up where I left off from the day before! And I’ll even do it with a smile! Why? Because taking the day off rejuvenated me in a way that made me realize, I need to take time for myself to laugh often! Everything else can wait!

Life’s Too Short, Eat the Damn Cake

Oh my gosh! I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve passed on having dessert because I had myself convinced that I didn’t “need it”! But by golly, I’m so tired of using food as a reward or a discipline all for the sake of how I want OTHERS to see me! Like seriously…….it’s fixing to get real up in here because I know I’m not the only person who looks down on myself for how I look! But the kicker is (for me), I compare myself to people around me and then decide if I “deserve” to eat the cake!

And as ridiculous as this sounds, I compare to myself to teenagers as well as adults! I compare myself to people who work out on the daily and don’t have children, just like I compare myself to people who (I know for a fact) have eating disorders. I compare myself to strangers and to friends alike! I compare myself to people who have their life together and eat healthy at every meal, as well as people who can eat half a dozen donuts and not gain an ounce. For as long as I can remember, I’ve ALWAYS compared myself to others! And it’s time to stop!

Life is way too short to go around worrying about how others perceive us! It’s way too short for us to compare ourselves to others . And it’s way too short to skimp on the dessert because we think it will break whatever number we are trying to achieve on the scale!

I’m one of those weird people who think about the dark side of things, way too often. Recently I decided to start exercising again. Sure, part of it is because I want to be healthier! But the other reason is because I want to “look better”. The problem with that is, I want to look better for others. I want society to see me as “skinny”. And because I’m different, all I can think is, IF I were to die today, would anybody talk about my size? Would anybody care if I wore an XS or an X-Large? And I’m guessing the answer is no! So then why do I care what size I wear now? It goes back to wanting to impress others. But who decides what is “skinny, thin, slender,” and what is “fat, chunky, obese, fluffy” or any other adjective you could use? And how long am I going to let society be the deciding factor if I eat the cake or not? I’m just tired! I’m tired of worrying about other people’s opinion! I’m tired of telling myself that I’m not good enough based on ONE SINGLE NUMBER—–the one on the scale!

And to be clear, I do this to myself! Not one person has mentioned my size or my weight! These are the thoughts that go through my head, constantly! And I’ve decided that enough is enough! I am more than a number! I am more than a size! I am more than my BMI! So from here on out, I will eat the damn cake, because life is way too short!

One thing that helped me to see that I’m the only one worried about THAT number, came from an assignment that Kamden had to turn in. He had asked me how much I weighed (without telling my why) and I ALMOST scolded him, because after all society says that’s rude, but thankfully I didn’t! When he brought the paper to show me, this is what he had written about me:

“There is a woman revealed the pink phone case. She loves to cook put in the soiled and blackened stove. She enjoys teaching said the graded papers on the couch. She fancies being a pretty woman exclaimed the makeup on the bathroom counter! She is skinny mumbled the scale so constantly on 135 pounds. She can be weird informed the mirror that had seen her try to lick people.”

YES, I cried! This is how my own child sees me, and I’m worried about a number? Who am I to tell him or better yet, who am I to teach him how to see me any differently? Why do I insist on telling him (and his brother) that I can’t eat a piece of their birthday cake because of my size? How selfish and unfair! They love me because I’m their mom! Not because I’m a certain size!

I think if I’m going to obsess over anything, it should be how to love! How to love myself first! And others second! How to love my friends AND my enemies! How to love those I agree AND disagree with! How to love others regardless of their race or their beliefs! How to love those who have protected me AND those who have hurt me! How to love those that I mesh well with AND those who make my blood pressure sky rocket! How to love EVERY SINGLE PERSON who crosses my path!

But the one thing that I have decided in the here and the now is that from this point on is……..

Life’s too short, so I WILL eat the damn cake, every time it is offered!!!

M.E.A.N Girls

If you’ve never watched the movie Mean Girls with Lindsay Lohan, it’s worth you’re time, in my opinion! It’s a very disturbing movie, however, there is so much truth and honesty when it comes to how girls (and some women) interact with each other. Basically, it shows you how conniving females can be! What’s really sad though, is how sly girls are becoming when it comes to tearing others down. And we all know that social media isn’t helping anything! My heart hurts because it just seems like no matter how hard we fight the good fight, the voices of reason aren’t being heard! Some females can’t hear the positive over the negative connotations they have to face on a daily basis! Some females don’t know which voice is the truth and which one is a lie! Then there are those females who just don’t WANT to hear it because it’s what they’ve been taught and they get a kick out of the misery that comes with being M.E.A.N, whether it bites them in the 888 or not!

Let me just say, when I was in my teens me and my best friend (LYLAS) were probably considered to be MEAN girls from certain people. The things is though, we weren’t the ones picking on others…….we just didn’t allow others to get away with whatever shade they were throwing in our direction. And for the record, we NEVER got in an actual fight with anyone! But it was well known around the school that if we were mad, it was probably best to avoid us in that moment! And listen y’all, I’m talking a school that had approx. 50 students per grade. So it’s not like it took much action to get noticed. My point is, I think everybody probably has times in their lives that their not proud of. And I hope that all of my female friends will pass on some sound advice and that is…….DO NOT BE A M.E.A.N GIRL (OR ADULT)!!!! AKA

Manipulating Exploiting Annihilating Narcissistic Girl

I’m sure some of you are wondering why I’m writing about 1. MEAN Girls and 2. Why I keep referring to women or adults. I’m glad you asked! First of all, I think we all need to do a self-check and see if there is any part of us that can OR WILL admit that we have worn the entire outfit of being a MEAN person in our life (guilty). But really, I’m talking about recently (guilty again), not just when you were young and dumb! Then, I think you need to look at your daughters, nieces, granddaughters and evaluate how they treat others. And I don’t just mean their friends! How do they treat the ‘underdogs’ or the ‘less fortunate’ or the ‘outcast’ or the ones who just don’t fit into their category of ‘style’? How do they treat the girls that they were once friends with, regardless of why there was a “falling out?” If it is with anything except decency, I personally, would be very alarmed and concerned! As a parent, it is my job to teach my children humanity! If I’m teaching them anything other than how to love others, even if it’s from a distance, then I have failed them!

The other reason I decided to go ahead and write this blog is because I have been wrapped up in some M.E.A.N Girl stuff of my own, very recently. You know by now that I have no reason to lie, so here it goes. There has been some situations that I have allowed myself to get caught up in, and unfortunately it’s been on more than just an occasion or two. I am kind of one of those people who doesn’t do well with snarky, so I may or may not have found a way to get under her skin all while continuing to be “professional”!!! But when it comes down to it, it’s been straight up ugliness from both sides of the keyboard! Hence the phrase “or women” and “or adults”. NO…..I’m not proud that I played into her games! Yes, I know what I need to do! YES, I’m big enough to admit my part AND I’m big enough to be the better person when I don’t agree with someone else’s particular ways of doing things. Is it fun? Of course not! Will I let others run over me? HELL NO! But at this point, the person who wins is the person who can walk away with their head held high knowing they tried their best! I plan on being that person! I am only hurting myself and allowing myself to be bogged down with someone else’s baggage and I’m done! But bantering back and forth via social platforms is ridiculous, especially when you’re my age! So I’m hoping that I can help someone by telling you, it’s not worth it!

For those who have the mindset of “that’s what they get” or “it was deserved” then YOU are part of the problem! If you are a mom who is teaching your child that it’s okay to be a M.E.A.N Girl, then honey, we need to talk. Our children have enough to endure on their own and adding head games to the table just isn’t okay! Being rude, disrespectful, full of rumors and lies is not really how you want others to perceive you or your child, is it? And you should really take into account that once it goes on social media, there is no turning back! Sure, you can apologize! But once it’s been posted, you can bet that a screenshot was taken and it will forever be “in the cloud”.

Admitting our mistakes and faults can be hard! I don’t know if I’m learning how to do it easier because I can tell a world full of strangers whose opinion doesn’t matter? Or if I’m really learning how to be a “big girl”!!! But either way, I don’t think making the mistake of ‘been there, done that’ is the problem! The problem is when you continue to allow yourself to be the M.E.A.N Girl and have no desire to change!

“No one is perfect, no not one!” BUT we can emulate the good we hope to see in the world! And what better way to leave our mark on others, if you (and I) will “love your enemies and do good to those who hate you” we can be world changers! So what do you say? Let’s BE THE CHANGE, TOGETHER!!!

–Tomorrow isn’t promised–

Does the title seem too obvious, considering it’s a well known fact? I mean, after all, we all know that we will die at some point, we just never know when! But if we know that, then why don’t we live life like that EVERY SINGLE DAY?!?! Why do we act the way we do, treat others the way we do, and even worry the way we do since we know that tomorrow isn’t promised??? Why not let tomorrow take care of itself?!

I don’t know about you, but I am one of those people who is always looking to the future! It doesn’t matter if I’m looking into the future by 2 or 3 hours, 2 or 3 days, or even 2 or 3 years……..but regardless of how far I’m looking, I am ALWAYS worrying about something! What if they don’t like the gift I just picked up and the party is in an hour? What if I get called into the office because I didn’t do something right? Or what if my child ends up going to college far away from where we live (he is only a junior y’all)?

Am I the ONLY person who thinks like this? I’ve been like this ever since I can remember! For real! I’ve always looked into the future at what could or might not happen (in my favor) and worried about it! And I really don’t know where the switch is to turn this off! I feel like I have truly cheated myself out of a whole lot of memories! Instead of living in the here and now, and soaking up every moment (I’ve even blogged about this), I’m always waiting for the ‘next big thing’, when tomorrow isn’t even promised!

Every morning I wake up, I immediately start thinking and wondering how my day, week, or even weekend is going to go! I try to prioritize things that, in reality, might never happen. And I don’t want to sound like a negative Nancy right now, but all of this is the truth! Tomorrow isn’t promised! And I just think that I could spend my time living in each moment. Deal with one thing at a time. And stop worrying about ‘what will happen if’ or ‘what will happen when’! Instead, I need to focus on “what can I do right now?”

Am I suggesting that everyone stop making plans and ‘just go the way the wind blows’, absolutely not! Plans, such as vacations, sports, and careers need to be thought out! I think we would be foolish not to make plans, but we need to throw the worry out of the window.

You know, the kind of worry that comes with telling a friend no. The worry that comes with not knowing how someone will react to your news, whether it is good or bad. The worry that causes you to stay up all night and in the end, you still can’t change the situation. The worry that takes away your joy because you are so focused on the “what if’s” even though Tomorrow isn’t promised!

With my oldest fixing to be a senior in high school (typing that out caused a tear), I am learning every day to just embrace EVERY SINGLE MOMENT AND EVERY SINGLE DAY! I am learning to trust him to make his own choices without stressing myself out by wondering if he has the ability to do make the right ones–you know–the ones I would make! And it’s been such a relief to stop worrying about the consequences of what he “might” do wrong, and just trust that his dad and I have taught him how to think things through before committing to “following the crowd” and end up in a bind! Especially since…..you got it……tomorrow isn’t promised!

I know that we tend to ‘prioritize’ our list of worries, but what if we chose to lay our worries down instead? What if we made it a priority NOT to worry? What if, instead of worrying, we wait…………P.A.T.I.E.N.T.L.Y to see if there is even a need to get worked up, after all, tomorrow isn’t promised!

Go live, laugh, and love today because it is the ONLY TIME you are promised!