I’ve seen so many youngsters getting married here recently and like most people–it brings a smile to my face! I love seeing the love in the newly weds eyes, even if it it’s through pictures! I wish everyone of them nothing but joy and long lasting love!
This May Ryan and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary! And as awesome as it is that I can say that he hasn’t divorced me or killed me–sometimes a number is exactly that–just a number!! I do think it is an accomplishment and I am thankful that I’m not a single mother having to figure life out on my own, but I can honestly say that the last 22 years have not always been great! In fact, things have straight up been hard at times! Just this last fall we were actually on the brink of divorce, but thanks be to God–we decided to give it one more shot!
But the thing is–marriage isn’t always bliss! And I really just don’t think that I’m the only person who knows this to be true, but nobody else is bringing it up! No matter the reason, sometimes people fall out of love! And maybe, perhaps, they even fall out of “like”!!! And I’m not saying that marriages can’t be put back together (mine was) just like I’m not saying that the love can’t be rekindled (mine was), but what do you say to a friend who is battling one or both of these in his/her own marriage?!
I think its really important to have a very real and open communication conversation with your significant other. Establish (together) how you will handle the difficult moments-My husband and I did NOT do this until a few years ago–at that point, it was almost too late! But both parties have to be willing to LISTEN TO EACH OTHER! If you feel that you have to be right ALL THE TIME–there may not be any hope for happiness! If you feel that you have to be in charge all the time–there may not be hope! If you feel or act like your feelings are the only ones that matter–there really may not be any hope!
If you’ve followed me at all you know that everything I write–I’ve been through myself and today’s blog is no different! You see, yesterday as I went for a run (8 miles to be exact), I got very upset and flat out mad at Ryan over a water stop. Yes–it sounds ridiculous! And the details as to why I got mad dont even matter! What I’m getting at is, marriage isn’t always bliss–and too often we neglect to talk about this topic! I realize that every marriage is different, but I refuse to believe that there is a “perfect marriage”! If you have one–we need to talk!
So when you come up against a wall in your marriage–then what? How do you tell your spouse their being (insert a word) without making things worse?!?!? Because even though I’m about to hit tge 22nd year of being married to this man—-I still get mad! I still find fault–because I have a temper! And I still want to yell very ugly obscenities at him when things go awry! And all I can ask myself, usually after I’ve yelled them is–how could I have done that differently?! But the thing is……I’m not the only one who makes mistakes! Im not the only who one is “misunderstood”or who does all of the “misunderstanding”! And I’m not the only one who needs to apologize!
So why isn’t this talked about more? Why aren’t more married couples willing to admit that marriage isn’t always bliss? And I totally get that not every fight or argument needs to be publicly announced! And honestly, that could even be a reason as to why there are misuderstsndings–telling everyone except the one who matters! And I don’t mean going to a confidant! I mean getting on social media and blasting that Jojo is a sorry S.O.B and can go live with Karen and her 4 kids but he better not come knocking on your door to come home! Some things just don’t need to be typed out and posted! It could save some drama!!! For real!!!!
But when there is a legitimate concern in someone’s marriage–what advice would you give? What if some things can’t be talked or “reasoned” out? What next? What if one party (it would be Ryan in my case) has put up with the childish ways of their spouse to the point, they just want to wash their hands and walk away? What if those “talks” I mentioned, can’t be had because one or both parties don’t want to listen to the other? Do you live in silence and ride it out–even though one or both are completely unhappy? Or does it take going to extremes (talking to a lawyer) to decide that something has to change or other things will change?! And no, I’m not promoting divorce–literally just did everything I could to save mine! But when I observe married couples (my new side hobby), I can totally tell you where they are on the marriage scale! Are they newly weds, are they celebrating a 1 year anniversary, 10th, or even 50th? Its really not hard to tell. So when I’m out and about I make observations that make my head turn cockeyed–because silence is golden and should have been used– it just isn’t hard to pin point where the struggles are!
But can EVERY marriage be saved?!?!?!?Unfortunately, the answer is no! I know people who only made it through a few months of marriage, a few years of marriage, and I even know couples who have been married for more than 4 decades and still ended up in a divorce! I will say that the longer you’re married, the more you have to try! The more you have to be willing to give, AND NOT JUST TAKE! The more you have to be willing to talk and LISTEN–God gave us 2 ears and one mouth! That’s so we can listen twice the amount that we talk!
So for you youngsters that are still in your honeymoon stage: have conversations and decided how you will handle the hard topics that you will encounter! Decide how you each need to deal with things when it isn’t what you planned. Example: do you need to be left alone for a bit? Or do you need to talk right away?! But have a plan! Hard topics will come–hard things will happen–and your marriage won’t always be bliss—but hang on with all of your might–and to God–and let him guide your hearts when they’re hurt!!!
Enjoy Every Moment 