I’ve always had a really big and loud personality! And I’ve never been one to stand back and hope to go unnoticed! Shocker, I know! And perhaps there have been times when I should have dialed down the attitude and the words that I’ve allowed to fly out of my mouth, especially when I’ve been mad! But I can’t help but wonder if I’ve overcompensated because I felt my voice was unheard for so many years?! And listen, I’m not saying that letting my crazy fly around on the broomstick is acceptable, but I am saying that some people take extreme measures when they don’t feel like they’ve been heard! Does this resonate with anybody?! Or is it just me finding reasons to justify all the crazy?!
Growing up with 3 siblings was a little chaotic. Especially since there were essentially 4 years between each child, except the last one……..he was 8 years behind me. That puts there being 16 years from the first born to the last born. Being the 3rd child wasn’t the greatest! But perhaps is was better than being the guinea pig aka the first born. Haha! All you parents with more than 1 kid know I’m right! And so do all of you who have an older sibling! But seriously, I always FELT like I was kind of the underdog. Whether it is true or not, it was how I FELT! For instance, my first car was a 4 door fugly brown Nova–not cool in the eyes of a 16 year old girl-considering my brother got to drive an almost brand new–beautiful blue-nissan truck! And the youngest was given a vehicle the day he was born–no lie! They pampered that vehicle knowing full well that it would be handed down the day he turned 16! So here I was, just another irresponsible kid in the house whose voice was unheard! And for all of you who are thinking, “at least you had a car” well, the car that was available qas the one car that broke down, OFTEN! Then I was blamed and told, “its because you only know how to put gas and 888 in it!” So…….meh…….not really my best childhood memories all because I had a car.
Moving into adulthood didn’t really change how I was seen. Again, I totally understand and realize that I brought A LOT of repercussions on myself! But the job never really mattered! For some reason I’ve ALWAYS been a magnet to being called to the “office”! And each and every time I walked out feeling like my voice was unheard. And this has been my life on repeat! What hurts the most is–very few of my superiors have taken the time to hear me and understand me. Usually when I get reprimanded I’m never asked about the full situation! It’s just always been assumed (I’ve blogged on that) that I did something out of spite and with absolutely no regards to anybody else! If that doesn’t make your voice feel unheard, then you’re a much stronger person than me!
Even in my marriage and having 2 children I have my DAYS where I feel pretty invisible! It doesn’t matter how sweet and nice I ask for something to be done, 90% of the time it ends with my family wondering when the spawn of Satan himself showed up! No joke! Happened just last night! I asked number 2 to HELP me do something and when he whined and complained I lost every bit of dignity I had! I literally went from, “hey help me real quick” to a red faced screaming monster and ended up taking their phones due to their lack of respect! Again, it goes back to my voice was unheard, IN MY OWN HOUSE, and I tripped! It was an ugly road to go down and you’d think that lessons would be learned by now, on both ends!
I guess I decided to write this particular blog to let others know, I’ve been in your shoes! I know how you feel! And I want to encourage you to keep your head up when you feel the same way I do! Because I’m this loud and free spirited person I usually find a way to be heard, but it typically isn’t the “right” way! So for the ones reading who are shy, don’t want or care to be the center of attention, and just go with the flow (right or wrong) type personality–just know that there are people–like me–who understand how you feel when your voice goes unheard!
When the anxiety and other emotions hit you hard because you feel let down, keep going. Find a confidant and talk until you cry! Holding in all of those emotions will only create more havoc when the feelings of emotions finally topple! Regardless if it is something that happens at home, at work, or goodness forbid even if it happens at Walmart! There WILL come a time when it all comes spilling out and it won’t be pretty! So when you feel that your voice is unheard, find a way to be heard! Find a way to make others listen, you’ll be glad you did!
Enjoy Every Moment 