Life’s Too Short, Eat the Damn Cake

Oh my gosh! I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve passed on having dessert because I had myself convinced that I didn’t “need it”! But by golly, I’m so tired of using food as a reward or a discipline all for the sake of how I want OTHERS to see me! Like seriously…….it’s fixing to get real up in here because I know I’m not the only person who looks down on myself for how I look! But the kicker is (for me), I compare myself to people around me and then decide if I “deserve” to eat the cake!

And as ridiculous as this sounds, I compare to myself to teenagers as well as adults! I compare myself to people who work out on the daily and don’t have children, just like I compare myself to people who (I know for a fact) have eating disorders. I compare myself to strangers and to friends alike! I compare myself to people who have their life together and eat healthy at every meal, as well as people who can eat half a dozen donuts and not gain an ounce. For as long as I can remember, I’ve ALWAYS compared myself to others! And it’s time to stop!

Life is way too short to go around worrying about how others perceive us! It’s way too short for us to compare ourselves to others . And it’s way too short to skimp on the dessert because we think it will break whatever number we are trying to achieve on the scale!

I’m one of those weird people who think about the dark side of things, way too often. Recently I decided to start exercising again. Sure, part of it is because I want to be healthier! But the other reason is because I want to “look better”. The problem with that is, I want to look better for others. I want society to see me as “skinny”. And because I’m different, all I can think is, IF I were to die today, would anybody talk about my size? Would anybody care if I wore an XS or an X-Large? And I’m guessing the answer is no! So then why do I care what size I wear now? It goes back to wanting to impress others. But who decides what is “skinny, thin, slender,” and what is “fat, chunky, obese, fluffy” or any other adjective you could use? And how long am I going to let society be the deciding factor if I eat the cake or not? I’m just tired! I’m tired of worrying about other people’s opinion! I’m tired of telling myself that I’m not good enough based on ONE SINGLE NUMBER—–the one on the scale!

And to be clear, I do this to myself! Not one person has mentioned my size or my weight! These are the thoughts that go through my head, constantly! And I’ve decided that enough is enough! I am more than a number! I am more than a size! I am more than my BMI! So from here on out, I will eat the damn cake, because life is way too short!

One thing that helped me to see that I’m the only one worried about THAT number, came from an assignment that Kamden had to turn in. He had asked me how much I weighed (without telling my why) and I ALMOST scolded him, because after all society says that’s rude, but thankfully I didn’t! When he brought the paper to show me, this is what he had written about me:

“There is a woman revealed the pink phone case. She loves to cook put in the soiled and blackened stove. She enjoys teaching said the graded papers on the couch. She fancies being a pretty woman exclaimed the makeup on the bathroom counter! She is skinny mumbled the scale so constantly on 135 pounds. She can be weird informed the mirror that had seen her try to lick people.”

YES, I cried! This is how my own child sees me, and I’m worried about a number? Who am I to tell him or better yet, who am I to teach him how to see me any differently? Why do I insist on telling him (and his brother) that I can’t eat a piece of their birthday cake because of my size? How selfish and unfair! They love me because I’m their mom! Not because I’m a certain size!

I think if I’m going to obsess over anything, it should be how to love! How to love myself first! And others second! How to love my friends AND my enemies! How to love those I agree AND disagree with! How to love others regardless of their race or their beliefs! How to love those who have protected me AND those who have hurt me! How to love those that I mesh well with AND those who make my blood pressure sky rocket! How to love EVERY SINGLE PERSON who crosses my path!

But the one thing that I have decided in the here and the now is that from this point on is……..

Life’s too short, so I WILL eat the damn cake, every time it is offered!!!