I am kind of laughing out loud right now because I am wondering how many of you woke up and checked the blog to see if “part 2” was available yet! Well peeps, here it is–I will finish what I started in this post, so make sure you stay to the end so you can TRULY understand what this blog is about!
I left you with quite a cliffhanger! If you recall, Kamden had just been born and my MIL had asked to hold him and I very reluctantly agreed! At this point, Ryan and I had been married for 8 years and now had 2 children and the relationship between me and them (everyone of them) was not good! Let’s just say that, when Kam was only a few months old, I told Ryan that he needed to choose a side. I was done with them. I couldn’t continue on with the way things were going–YES–it was mainly my fault–but I wasn’t thinking rationally in any manner! And let’s just say, THAT conversation was not fun. Although, I do think things kind of evened themselves out for a bit, but in no way were any of us besties!
Over the next few years things were still a roller coaster between me and them. Meaning we could tolerate one another, but there would be no meeting up with the girls for drinks or calling to chit chat about our day. We saw each other at family gatherings (the ones I chose to go to–that number isn’t high) and were civil, but I literally sat as far away from the adults as possible. I didn’t chime in on conversations and laughing with them was out of the realm of possibility–on my end!
At some point, things took a really odd turn (in a good way). I’m sure it had something to do with me going to see a counselor and getting help! All I know is, my counselor challenged me to pray 2 words and see how God would use that to my advantage in life. Those 2 words were so simple–“change me”!!! Once I got brave enough AND sincere enough to pray those words, things truly began to change between me and them. I can’t tell you exactly how it happened, but it was like I had this epiphany that having a negative attitude was the whole reason behind all of the drama between me and them! –I know–MIND B.L.O.W.N!
The thing that really allowed us to bond better was when they invited me to go on their yearly shopping trip! You see, this had been a tradition for MANY MANY years with the girls, but it took about 15 years of being married to Ryan before they even thought about inviting me! Things must’ve been going well because I accepted the offer and had a blast!
For about 4 years things were looking up and were great! We would have normal conversations. I went to family events (and smiled)! There was no bitterness on either end! And we even had a bond that I thought would last for the remainder of time!
THEN, my bpd came alive out of nowhere and everything went down the drain faster than I could have ever anticipated. I can’t even tell you what it is that caused me to revert back to my old ways, but let me tell you——it straight up kicked me in the 888!
October of 2020 came and all hell broke loose when we (Ryan and I) both contracted The Rona! That’s when our world really turned upside down, yet again! And in my eyes, there was no way of fixing it! No kind of glue–including gorilla glue! No kind of medicine–prescription or counseling! And I’m pretty sure even something as big as winning the lottery, could not and would not have made a difference in the direction our marriage was going!
**if you haven’t read my blog on D.I.V.O.R.C.E, you might want to read it in order to FULLY understand the rest of the story!
After Ryan and I had WEEKS of yelling, arguing, disagreeing, and straight up not talking, we came to a point where we HAD to make a plan. After all, we needed to tell the boys something! His family already knew! My friends knew! And Facebook already knew! The boys needed to hear the news from us! The plan was to make things work until May (of this year) so their academics and extra curricular activities wouldn’t spiral down out of control! Therefore, there had to be a plan of what it would like until the end of the school year!
When we were finally able to talk (no crying, yelling, cussing, etc), I told Ryan I was sorry for putting him through hell and back and that I wished for nothing more than a re-do! A re-do in our marriage! A re-do as a mom! And just a re-do in every aspect of my life! And much to my surprise, he agreed that a red-do would be amazing! So right then and right there, we sorted through all of the hurt and the pain that each of us caused! We talked about what we each needed from each other and we discussed (calmly) how we would each put in more effort to be a better “everything” for the sake of our marriage!
Now if you remember, I told you that my in-laws were already anticipating our divorce–because that’s what I sent them in a text. So now, I awkwardly have to decide what my relationship with them is going to look like! Because I’ve already established throughout the years that I didn’t like them, and the feeling was pretty mutual! **with the exception of a few good years** But here we are, married for 21 years–agreeing to a fresh start, and I have two choices with the in-laws: 1. randomly show up at family events and pretend things have always been amazing and pretend I didn’t send them a text about getting divorced or 2. Do a trial text and see how much damage control I can do BEFORE another family get together where I have promised Ryan that I would “be good” because it has typically been my attitude and behavior that has been the issue!
I went for a damage control text (you know you would too), but the damage had been done and there was no way I was getting away with 21 years of childish, selfish, hateful behavior and them turning their head as if none of it ever happened! **I can’t really blame them**
The ‘who said what’ to me is between me and them, but let’s just say……I cried! I cried because I knew they were right! I cried because I knew I deserved the response!–that needed be said in that moment! I cried because I knew I didn’t deserve the second chance (really more like the 100th)! And I cried because I knew that I was the one who had caused them and Ryan SO MUCH PAIN! They were tired of seeing Ryan hurt! They were tired of seeing Ryan lonely! They were tired of seeing Ryan put up with the spawn of satan’s sister for the last 21 years and here I was asking for “another” chance! HOW DARE I! They had every reason to not accept my apology! They had every reason to not believe that my apology was real! And they had every reason to let me sit in my own stinch and be left out…….
BUT THEY DIDN’T!
The grace that has been shown to me, has made me cry even more! And I know that the rebuilding that is taking place, will have to be a slow and steady process! I know that I will have to do 90% of the leg work, seems how I never did before, and I’m okay with that! I know that I will have to prove to them that I am a changed person, from the inside out! And I know that there will no doubt be bumps along the way!
No relationship is perfect–including the ones with in-laws! But I’m thankful that I can tell you that in the here and now, things are better! Things are looking up! And hearts have been softened over the last several months! I have no idea what things will look like from here–between me and them–but I can only hope that they will continue to give grace and that I can continue to show them my sincerity, of being a changed person, with my words and my actions!
And in case any of my in-laws are reading this–thank you! Thank you for not giving up on me-even though you had every reason to!
Enjoy Every Moment 