Love them, but from afar!

Surely I’m not the only person who has people in my life, typically family, that are just unhealthy to be around! Part of it, for me, is because it has taken me a really long time to learn how to cope with the trauma from childhood! Part of it is because instead of sticking with counseling and other methods, that I knew I needed, I decided to forego every bit of it and revert back to my old habits! I do not recommend falling back into the old ways of doing things, especially when you’ve come so far! So at this point in my life, I have to love A LOT of my family members that I have to love, from afar!

Several months ago I thought it would be okay to speak what had been on my mind to several people in my family. I just got to a point where I straight up DID NOT CARE and I spoke words that can never be taken back! The exchanges in words between myself and them (I’m embarrassed to tell you how many), were harsh and uncalled for! At the moment, I was trying to self soothe and for whatever reason, I decided if I was going to hurt, then others were too! There were definitely things that needed to be said and hashed out, but giving someone the ‘what for’ via text is probably not the best way to make that happen!

Because of my actions, I now have to love my family, from afar! I have 1 sibling, out of 3, that I talk to. And I have 2 cousins that I speak to about 3-4 times a year. I would like to think that if I called the others up, say in an emergency, that they would take my call, but deep down I know they wouldn’t. I really did a number on them all, and unfortunately words cut to the bone! After all, the tongue is the hardest thing to tame! And considering that there was already dissension, me going Britney Spears crazy on them definitely sealed the deal when it came to cutting ties.

Looking back, I’m certainly, not proud of HOW I went about communicating with the (already) hard to love ones! When I really start to think about how many things both parties are missing out on, it makes me sad! It makes me sad to think that on any given day I could pass one of these particular family members in the store and know it will just be another face in the crowd! It makes me sad that my very own kids are missing out on uncles, aunts, and cousins! And it makes me sad knowing that I severed any chance I might have had at having a relationship with them!

But I will also say, as sad as it makes me…….there really is a part of me that is relieved! I’m relieved just knowing that I no longer will cry because due to being rejected–YES that happened frequently! I’m relieved that I was able to stand up for myself and say the things that needed to be said–and it’s done and over with! I’m relieved that I no longer will allow myself to tiptoe around others feelings OR even more, that I will NO LONGER BEG someone to love me, or my children! And if they are content with not being in our lives, that’s on them! I will love them, but from afar!!!

And I do think family is important! But when there are unhealthy habits and constant tears from one side or the other, then sometimes it’s better to walk away! That’s where my framily comes in! And trust me, I utilize them without shame! They are the ones who have carried me when I couldn’t care about myself! They are the ones who never left when me when my family did walk away! And they are the ones who have been my constant when certain family members never were!

If you follow my blog then you’re probably thinking that I deserve every piece of karma that I’m dealt! But if I were to sit down and tell you my story from beginning to end, you would understand why I’m telling you it’s in my best interest to just love some of them, from afar!

I don’t know you’re story! But I can tell you, just like friends, family can be toxic! Family can cause just as much stress, depression, anxiety and other issues just like those unhealthy friends we sometimes get wrapped up in! So yes, it is okay to love them, but from afar!!!