Restoration

According to dictionary.com the word restoration means: “the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.”

I want to focus on the word in bold! Renewal! If I could only count how many times this word has been applied to me over my life span so far! If you have read ANY of my other blogs, then you are probably understanding why this particular word is so important to me! And I would be willing to bet that the ones who read this article can also testify to the word restoration or renewal in some kind of manner! So get comfortable and let’s talk!

Because I have to be an overcomer from depression, anxiety, and bpd (borderline personality disorder) and ptsd, I have had to ask for forgiveness from A LOT of people! And I’m talking from my childhood, teenage years, young adult, to the here and now at the age of 41! Although I am finding more and more ways to cope with things I’ve been through AND even things I continue to go through, I have NOT mastered how to keep myself in check when something goes awry! If someone has the perfect combination of things, let me know!

I am (obviously) not this calm collected person who knows how to step back and evaluate the situation at hand when things don’t go the way I plan them in my head! I literally become THAT person! I’m not proud of that, just being honest! Oh how I wish I could roll with it! It would be AMAZING to not have a ‘the world is fixing to end’ moment when I’m feeling the stress of the daily tasks that stare me in the face at 8:00 in the morning! Instead, I am this firecracker with a short fuse and anyone within range gets burned when I go bang! And it isn’t until things have gone too far that I begin to look for renewal with my words and actions alike! I’m thankful that, MOST of the time, my apology is accepted and I am able to begin some restoration and speak peace to the ones I hurt!

But restoration doesn’t/shouldn’t just stop at an apology! Apologies are simply an admittance of wrong doing, whereas restoration is the act of restoring! Maybe you need to restore and/or renew your marriage! Maybe its a friendship? Maybe it’s with a family member? Maybe it’s a best friend? So, I would ask you friend? What is holding you back from restoring and/or renewing what has been broken?! What steps can you take to begin the process of making things better? If a relationship has ended because you, like me, said or did things without thinking rationally, what can you do to mend the hearts of those people? If the relationship has ended because you were the one hurt, how can you approach the situation without harboring anger? And maybe you can’t right now, and that’s okay! But if there’s been some time for both people to clear their minds and think about how things could have been done differently, maybe they’re not sure how to approach you either! Maybe they’re wishing and hoping that you will forgive them, but they’re ashamed of how they acted?!

Example 1: Just last night I ran into someone who had been a friend for several years! I had been the one to walk away from this friendship due to some jealousy! I felt left out of a girls night, per say, and when I saw it on fb, I deleted them all! I know! Childish! I never had it in me to contact any of them because I was ashamed and I really thought they hated me! Come to find out, 10 years down the road, there was never any animosity on their end! It was all in my head! I sat and had dinner with her and her little girl and it was such a blessing to be able to reconnect after so many years. And come to find out, we had so much more in common after the span of not talking than we ever thought possible! So maybe, just maybe, the chance of YOU reconnecting with someone is a possibility afterall?!

Example 2: If you remember, I wrote about my “last episode” that took place back in October. The part I intentionally left out was how I started cutting people out of my life! Including my step-dad, my half brother, my niece (who had been my world), and even people at work were close to being on that list! And yes, I regret cutting ties, and I know without a doubt, the words I spoke to them in the moment of being angry was wrong!! But, I don’t see any restoration in the near future! Not because I’m too stubborn to admit I’m wrong or say I’m sorry—but because there is so much hurt that has festered over the last 20 years and when it finally popped– EVERYBODY got burned! When the pain runs this deep–I just don’t know that the pieces are even capable of being put together. And maybe time is the answer to restoration in this particular situation! What I do know, is much like my friend, if my family were to approach me today, my arms are open! My house is open! And I would love nothing more than to move on from all of the hurt, regardless of who was at fault! But I think others are going to need more time. More time to process the hurt I have, the hurt they have, and more time to process how to do life!

Renewing and restoring relationships has been very beneficial, FOR ME! It has taken away this load, that I really didn’t realize was so heavy until I became free! As far as the ones where there is still hurt, I have had to let go and let God! I can only control me! My emotions! My feelings! My words! My actions! And honestly, I no longer care to bear the burden of others. Once I have done what I can to mend, the rest is on them, family or friends.

I firmly believe that people come into our life to fulfill a purpose. If we are lucky, they get to stay and continue on the rest of our journey with us! But then there are times when their purpose with us comes to an end and we drift apart. Yes, it is or can be bittersweet! But I always try to remind myself, there’s a reason! We may not see it now, but trying to hang onto something that is no longer meant for us will only cause more pain in the end. It’s kind of like playing tug of war with no gloves. You continue to feel pain. Eventually, you’ve got to learn to let go and walk away.

Oftentimes I feel like restoration and renewal has more to do with having peace within ourselves more than anything else. Yes, it is amazing to mend the broken relationships! However, not EVERY relationship will be put back together! Not every relationship will have a happy ending! And not every relationship will survive the storms of life! And that’s okay! But don’t sell yourself short by suppressing the hard feelings for the rest of your life!

Restore, renew, and reestablish what you can, and lay the rest down!