–Cheating–

Man! Just the title takes my breath away! The judging that is already happening!!! The theory that each person has in their head right now! The screenshots and text messages that have already been sent! And the phone calls that are being made at this very moment! Why? Because people are nosy! And inevitably, some will think this post is strictly about them! Well, go ahead and judge, have your theory, gossip via text or phone, and if the shoe fits, then I guess you can put it on if you so choose to!

I saw the question a few days ago on Facebook that said, “cheating: is it a deal breaker?” So of course I check out the comments section because like you, I’m a little interested in what everyone has to say on the topic! And honestly, I don’t think I saw one single comment about forgiveness! Everybody gave the advice to dump them! And of course because they are all psychologist, they knew what was best! It made me quite sad though, because I was trying to figure out, at point do your “Facebook friends” get to decide what side of the  fence you’re on?!?! And maybe their advice is spot on……..but the hateful, unrelenting advice of “drop them now”, “dont go back”, and just the whole “never forgive them or trust them” attitude was on a whole new level! But you know what? 1. A sin is a sin is a sin and Jesus forgives all of them–when we ask–SINCERELY! 2. You don’t know what you WOULD REALLY DO, if it were you–regaredless of which end you were on. And 3. Not one person, that I saw, mentioned counseling or something of the nature that would possibly help put the brokenness back together! So shame on you if you think you know how somebody should live their life when bonds have been broken! Shame on you for the ones who THINK they know what they would do–I promise you do not! And shame on you for calling your sin a little white lie while others are deeper and darker than yours, and quite frankly ain’t none ya business!

I’ve said in many blogs that I won’t write on anything that I haven’t been through! So if you’re still with me, I’ll give you reasons to hate me, stalk me, and gossip about me! Why? I’m writing to help others, not worry about your opinion! I’m writing to help myself cope with life! I’m writing about things that are real that no one else wants to admit they’ve been through! But if you’ve read enough of my blogs, you know I’m honest! But you won’t really know the WHOLE story until you reach the end!

If havent already, you need to make sure you check out the blog titled D.I.V.O.R.C.E-it could never happen to me! You can leave and read it now, or read it after this one! But make sure you take a look! These two articles will go hand in hand because everyone thinks and even says, “I wouldn’t put up with that!” Well, I certainly hope that you don’t have to eat your words at any point in your life! Because I promise, they don’t taste very good!

Cheating is one of those things that has always affected me in one way or another! It has been the reason behind abusive relationships. It has been the reason behind divorce. It it has been the reason behind abortion. AND it has been the reason behind secrets that will haunt me until I die! So I agree with you, not much good can come from cheating, BUT……….

Behind the scenes in EVERY cheating situation, there is another decision that HAS to be made! Forgiveness! Whether it’s forgiveness from a spouse, forgiveness from yourself, or forgiving both of the parties that managed to turn your world upside down in one way or another! It HAS to happen! Because if you don’t allow it–it WILL eat you alive!

Without giving specific details, I will say that I have made some REALLY bad choices in my marriage! I’ve had to ask for forgiveness and I’ve had to have some extremely hard conversations! I’ve had to deal with shame, on top of being harshly judged by others! I’ve had to try and mend something that NEVER should have been broken! And I’ve had to live with it EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

I feel like I have a pretty good idea of how the woman at the well felt, with the exception of having gone through 5 husbands! All she was focused on was how others were judging her, including disciples at that! She saw no worth in herself because she had made some terrible choices and (I imagine) the whole town knew it! They gossiped! They judged! And I imagine, they shunned her! You know, because they were perfect! They had no secrets! And they certainly had NEVER done anything THAT bad!

Without a doubt, I know that the perfect Christians who are reading this are already calling each other to get the juice! And as much as it hurts, I will be okay! Afterall, I told my own “SECRET”! I’m sure my friends and frenemys alike are wondering why! Why would I choose to write about something so personal? Why would I be willing to put myself on the chopping block? Well, I felt led to tell pieces of my story!

This is and will be BY FAR the hardest blog ever! But hanging onto fear is worse! Fearing that others will judge me (they will)! Fearing that others will gossip (they will)! And fearing that I will be viewed so differently from this point on will always be at the forefront of my brain! But I decided to put the fear behind me and speak to the ones who have been in my shoes!

Admitting your faults and mistakes will never be easy! Forgiving those who have made mistakes will never be easy! But regardless of which category you are in, both can be done! No matter the circumstance, others will always have an opinion! Please don’t let them be the deciding factor of how things should be! Don’t let others decide whether or not your honest! Don’t let others decide if you should forgive! And don’t let others decide that because you made a mistake or forgave a mistake that someone is less worthy! Usually the ones judging the hardest have their own closet full of skeletons!

As I type out all of these words my eyes are wet! The criticism that I know will come with being honest causes my heart to beat faster! And just the pure condemnation that will follow makes me think twice about hitting the “publish now” button! But……

I know there has to be some reason or some person (if not more than one) that needs to hear my story! I felt way too compelled to tell it for it to not touch somebody out there! You need to know you will be okay! You need to know that your mistake(s) does not define you! You need to know that the best way to move on is to forgive yourself! I’m still working on that! Let others talk! Let them think what they want! Let them judge! That’s on them! You take care of you!

For the ones who are blameless in life, congratulations! I wish you well as you continue through this journey called life without making mistakes! I commend you for adhering to all ten commandments and being role models for us that don’t have our life together! And I applaud you for uplifting and supporting those of us who make mistakes by praying for our souls!

In the end, I will answer for my sins and you will answer for yours. I’ve learned SO MANY lessons the hard way! Im thankful for my friends and framily that have engulfed me in nothing but love, and I’d love to do the same for anybody who has no one to turn to! Please know, you’re not alone! Just because you don’t always hear or read about what the journey of cheating is like from a personal point of view, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen! And just because you think you know what someone else’s journey is from the mouth of others just remember—you’re not always getting the WHOLE TRUTH!

I’ll leave you with one final thought……

NEVER SAY NEVER