I’m sure as you read that title, you had a handful of kids pop up in your head. I know I do that frequently. You probably even started thinking of what kind of parenting they REALLY need and possibly what kind of consequences you would hand down if YOU were the parent! Am I right? You can be honest with yourself! I’ll go first, I have totally been there done that. And yes, I have a story that will fit right into today’s blog. If you clicked on today’s story, make sure you finish to the end! And if you can relate or decide that someone you know could benefit from my words, give it a share!
When my youngest was 2, he had an infected lymph node. The doctors really weren’t concerned and reassured us it would take care of itself. Well, it didn’t and it got HUGE. While we were in the play area at McDonald’s, another child popped Kam between the ears (because he wanted to)! The mom in me jumped up and grabbed the child by the arm and proceeded to give him the what for. NOT EVEN LYING! I told him that IF I was his mother I would be spanking his butt! I also told him that if he touched my kid again I would spank his butt. Let’s just say, he left Kamden alone afterwards. Am I proud of this moment? Not really! Did I overreact? Yup! And in THAT moment, I became one of those parents who decided that his guardian wasn’t capable of handling his behavior so I took it upon myself to handle it my way! OUCH!
Perhaps you’ve never gone as far as I did physically, but I would be willing to lay down a paycheck that you have certainly either thought about it or wished you could. One of my famous sayings years ago was, “let me take them home for one night, just give me one night”. I was so confident that I could do a better job and I could make them behave for the rest of their lives after just one night. Looking back, I had no idea how disturbing my thoughts about other children really were. And NOW……now that I’ve seen first hand what some kids deal with, KNOWING they don’t choose to have a disability, I’m embarrassed and sad that I even remotely thought that I could “FIX” a child by doing a better job than their parents!
I’ve been a teacher for 10 years now, although I’ve worked with kids for almost 20 in some manner. Head start, daycares, and now teaching. So I’ve had a lot of experience in seeing how children behave and react to the environment they are in. Sometimes kids have it altogether and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they are very well loved, fed, clothed, spoiled, and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes the kids are able to sit on a rug or in a desk and concentrate on everything the teacher is saying and they can regurgitate everything they heard, and sometimes you come across THOSE kids who do not have the ability to let you say your name and they are already doing something that will ensure them to be in trouble—I didn’t say it would be on purpose!
What I’ve experienced over the past 7 months is—THOSE kids—the ones YOU think could do better—-they WISH they could do better too! They would love nothing more than to walk into your room, put their stuff away, and wait for instructions without getting in trouble! Not one single kid, including the one(s) your thinking about WANTS to be the center of attention—especially when it’s negative! I’m sure you’re asking, why don’t they just mind? Why can’t they just behave the way you want them to? And WHY do they continue to make THOSE choices? Well honey, if you think they wake up each day wondering how they can get under your skin, you think way too highly of yourself! **again, been there done that**
Let me just get right to the point—you’re welcome!
PTSD, BPD, ADHD, PARANOIA, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, ODD, OCD—and the list goes on, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM………..ARE REAL!!!!!!! Do you really think that if it was as simple as turning on/off a switch that they would continue to misbehave when they know without a doubt there will be a consequence? Do you really think they WANT or LIKE the fact that they have NO CONTROL over what is happening to them? And for the love of everything good, are you so conceited (I was) that you think you could do such a better job at raising them so they wouldn’t make choices that causes them to constantly be seen in a negative manner? Please go educate yourself! Because this has nothing do YOU!!! This is all about them and what their little minds and bodies have to endure on a DAILY bases that is out of their control!
Being an adult who has to conquer at least 4 of the above mentioned “disabilities” EVERY SINGLE DAY, I can assure you that the way THOSE KIDS behave (or misbehave) is not a choice! I do not choose to go from a calm chilled atmosphere to smoke rolling out of my head ON PURPOSE—it’s just what happens when my mind gets over loaded. What may seem so innocent and unintentional to one person, can be oh so very detrimental to me, which in return causes me to react in ways that others deem as childish, immature, ridiculous, and even unprofessional! But if I knew a way to turn off a switch that would allow me to roll with the mishaps in each moment, I would do it in a heartbeat! But that’s the problem! I DON’T KNOW HOW! And guess what? Neither do THOSE KIDS!!!
As adults, we HAVE to do better! We HAVE to find some understanding! We HAVE to be educated when it comes to kids who have disabilities that can’t be seen! We HAVE to find a way to build a relationship and give grace when they can’t be an overcomer in every single situation! We HAVE to realize when to pick our battles with what it is we are wanting/needing from THOSE KIDS! And we HAVE to realize that this isn’t a game they’re playing! And I promise, you COULD NOT do a better job at parenting!!!!
Perhaps if everybody would pull together and be an advocate for THOSE KIDS, what an amazing life they would have! If everybody would have a little bit of grace, patience, understanding, forgiveness, and L.O.V.E then they could have a very successful life, one day at a time! My heart goes out to every parent who is raising one of THOSE KIDS and the criticism you and them have to deal with! And I am here to encourage you…….keep doing you! Keep loving them and knowing that NO ONE can do a better job than YOU! And keep fighting for them, because sometimes you will be the only on in their corner!!!
I was one of THOSE KIDS and I’ve even been one of THOSE ADULTS! Therefore, my heart will always be for the “underdogs”!!!
Enjoy Every Moment 