The big ideas in marriage

Well let me start by saying, I am by far an expert when it comes to marriage! In fact, if you’ve read ANY of my other post you’re probably wondering what in the world I could say on this topic that would be helpful! Am I right? I mean, I’ve put myself on the line by sharing stories that portray what level of crazy I’m on! But hey! If you’re still here, keep reading! Might say something useful!

Don’t be jealous! Hear me when I tell you this…….jealousy will cause a divide quicker than you can count to ten! When I started dating my spouse, I didn’t think I was a jealous person! All it took was for him to say hi to one female and I realized real quick I had this whole other personality! What makes this story even better……the female he said hi to…..was our 14 year old neighbor! Yeah……but that’s not all! I got so mad, I stormed out of Walmart and told him I would walk home! At the time, home was approx 20 miles away AND it was straight up dark outside! You gals, girlfriends, wives…….save the jealousy for when another woman WANTS your man, not when a TEENAGE GIRL says hi to him! He is with you, because he loves you! Spare yourselves some time wasted on thinking that he is even giving somebody else a second look!! In reality, he is wondering how to buy that really nice scope so he can drop a big one come deer season! Let it go my friends!

Dont hold grudges! The quicker you can forgive AND apologize when mistakes are made–AND THEY WILL BE MADE–the less likely you will fall into the realm of blame! Early on on our marriage I would shut down and go for a week without saying a word to my husband if he made me mad! In the long run, I hurt myself! Because in reality, I so bad wanted to communicate with him! I wanted him to hold me! I wanted him to tell me everything would be okay! But I refused to let him “win”! Listen…….you both lose in a situation like this, and there are no re-do’s!

HOLD YOUR TONGUE!!! If you have to literally do this to keep from saying something uncalled for, then do it! And years from now you can help others with your ridiculous story of how that helped you! But for the love of everything good, do NOT use your words to hurt each other! It is NOT worth it! And the only thing that will come from spewing out the hate will be those grudges I juts spoke about! No matter how sorry you are–the hurt stays! No matter how many times you say, “I didn’t mean it”, you won’t be believed! And no matter how far you go to try and make it up, the words will NEVER be forgotten!!! So if you can’t say something nice, then zip it!

Reveal your past! Man! If only someone had told me that I need to share all the hurt and pain that I was not only holding onto, but was hiding, it MAY HAVE kept me from having this emotional breakdown 15 years into our marriage! Looking back, I placed a lot of blame on myself for the things that had been done to me! One example, when I was 14 my BIL decided he would feel me up in the middle of the night! Even as I type this, I look back and ask myself what I could’ve done to prevent that from happening! So do yourself a favor and have those hard deep conversations! Hopefully this will save you some emotional despair later on!

Say NO when necessary! My family will tell you I’m spoiled! They will tell you that I was never told no! And they may be 85% right! For 8 years I was the baby out of 3! So all I had to do was go to my mom-usually! Then I married someone who wanted to make me happy on every level! So he really didn’t tell me no either! He tried it once and it didn’t end too well! **cough cough** Looking back, he should’ve told me no a hell of a lot more than he did and just stood his ground! Im pretty sure I got about 4 new vehicles in our first 6 or 7 years of marriage! You want to know how we afforded to do that? We DIDN’T!!!! We literally continued rolling THOUSANDS of dollars over EVERY SINGLE TIME! And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just vehicles that caused financial hardships! But this dude didn’t want the wrath of Linda to come flying in on a broomstick, so he did whatever I asked, no matter the cost! Not cool! In the end, saying no will benefit you in more ways than you can see right now!

Build each other up! Listen up! THIS IS A MUST! Im not just talking about when it is you two having a conversation either! When you’re mad, sad, disappointed or just don’t have good things to say, then hush until you heal! When you put each other down, even if it is to your friends, you are undoing everything you have worked for in your marriage! You cannot go around speaking hate, to or about, your spouse and expect to build a bond that won’t break! Your words either hurt or heal your marriage! There isn’t a 3rd option! How you portray your spouse to your friends is how he/she will be perceived! So when you have a small tiff then you go run your spouse into the ground, there is no convincing your friends that he/she really is a good person! Every word you speak matters!

I know giving advice is so much easier than following it! Because if im honest, others did give me advice! I had wonderful role models who did everything they could to steer me in the right direction, I just didn’t listen! I’ve always been hard headed, and unfortunately it hasn’t always worked in my favor! It really doesn’t matter if you’ve been a couple for 2 months or 52 years, you both have to try! You both have to want it! And you both have to give grace when mistakes are made! So take my advice or leave it, but either way, I wish you well on your journey!