I guess it needs to be said that I am not a doctor of any sort! Everything I write is MY opinion! Everything I write is also my journey and how things have been for me! With that, here are some truths, and lies, that I (PERSONALLY) have encountered in my 41 1/2 years of life concerning mental health!
My journey with mental health started as far back as I can remember. Basically, I dont remember any moments in my life where mental health didn’t play a factor. I’m a pretty scarred person and looking back, I needed some serious intervention! And even though I showed a lot of signs of needing help, beyond my parents control, my behavior was written off as “being a teenager”! All I can do now is help raise awareness of mental health issues by sharing what has and what has not helped me!
1. Expecting those who battle mental health to be able to just “get over it” or “move on” is one of the biggest mistakes society makes. UNFORTUNATELY there is not a switch that allows us to look past the situation, in that moment, and know everything will be okay in the end! If it were that easy, (I belive) that suicide would no longer be an option for people who struggle with mental health. And yes, I have lost a friend to suicide! I firmly belive if had seen another way out, he would have taken it! We have to do better at listening and giving advice when others around us are talking! We need to listen to understand instead of listening to respond! Stop saying “it will be okay”! Instead ask, “how can I help?” because knowing we have someone ready to act on our behalf allows us to mentally take a breath and see beyond the here and now.
2. People who struggle with mental health are not “faking” it! They are not using it as excuse! They do not WANT to have a meltdown when things get hard! These things just happen! I have had too many meltdowns, as an adult and IN PUBLIC to count! But in the moment of it happening, I didn’t care what kind of fool I was being! I knew all eyes were on me, and I was (somewhat proud) because afterall, I wasn’t taking anybody’s crap! But as soon as the moment passed, I felt remorse and embarrassed, EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! And it’s not that I didn’t want to apologize! But how many people were going to take an apology serious after they watched me act worse than a 2 year old who needed dinner, a diaper change, and a nap?!?! Think about it! Apologies are a good after thought, but there’s always the chance that those who don’t understand what just happened will begin to criticize our actions again and again! No thank you! So before you DEMAND an apology, let it come naturally! And when it does come, be kind! Afterall, when the apology comes on its own–it is sincere!
3. Mental health does not look the same for everybody! Yes, some people who are dealing with mental illness are quiet, maybe standoff”ish”, and even labeled (BY OTHERS) as weird or awkward! First of all, STOP DOING THAT! Second of all, if someone is showing these attributes, maybe they just lost their spouse of 50 years. Or maybe they just buried their newborn who didn’t make it. And goodness forbid, maybe they just don’t like judgmentmental people and want to be left alone–this is totally my husband! But the opposite is also true! Not everybody will be this quiet, sad and somber person! They won’t necessarily be tripping over their bottom lip, and it’s even possible that they go through life without having daily meltdowns! But I’m here to tell you that, not everybody who smiles and is good at socializing is free from dealing with the pain that comes with mental illness! For me, I loved being the life of the party……but when all was quiet and nobody was around, I hated who I was and constantly questioned my purpose in life! This is WHY kindness is so necessary! You just don’t know who is or is not dealing with one, or even more, mental illnesses! May our words be uplifting to those who cross our paths!
4. Last, but not least, just because you can’t “SEE” a mental illness does NOT mean it isn’t real!!!! We HAVE to move beyond this lie! In no way is it your job or mine to tell someone they aren’t ____ (fill in the blank)! Just like you can’t “see” other diseases such as cancer or diabetes, you can’t see if someone is/has depression, bpd, ptsd, a panic or anxiety disorder!!! It doesn’t matter if you can see it or not–IT IS REAL!!!! Be thankful you don’t know what it’s like if you have to question someone who tells you they have it! Be thankful you don’t know how deep depression can take you! Be thankful you don’t know what it’s like to have so much trauma that you question everybody’s actions around you! Be thankful that you can walk into a room and blow off someone’s hurtful comments instead of turning into Satan’s sister because you TRULY have NO CONTROL over how you react and before you can get a grasp on reality you’ve all but devoured the person who set you off and anybody who laughed at what they said! Be thankful! Because living life like this day after day is exhausting!
Mental health/illness is all around us! Sometimes we know when others are struggling, but more often than not, we don’t! We truly have no idea who is or isn’t affected by a mental health issue! We have NO CLUE how many people are already being the very best version of themselves that they know how to be! So help me end the stigma that mental illness is a choice–because its not!!!
Enjoy Every Moment 