At least I didn’t ….

Have you ever used this to make an argument? If not, come back tomorrow because you are better than me and I probably won’t say anything that will apply to you! Haha! But let me be real today, I have said this more times than I can count and more times than I care to admit! This is a classic go to line when I have been (or am) mad/upset/frustrated at whoever happens to be doing me “wrong” at that moment. It’s like I use this statement to justify my own words or actions because after all, there is a difference in a little white lie and a regular lie or even between a little sin and a big sin! So of course, the things I say or do will NEVER be as bad as someone else because after all, at least I didn’t (fill in the blank)!

So I am (shamefully) one of THOSE people who holds grudges! Perhaps it is because of the trauma I’ve had, or perhaps its because I’ve watched family members kick holes in doors. **not a joke–but THAT was because of our dog**Anyhow, I can always find a way to excuse my ridiculous words and/or actions when it comes to being mean. Like, I just told my husband (as in yesterday–Feb 10th), why he made me mad regarding something that happened in September! I WISH I could make this up! I’d make a great stand up comedian! During that particular, let’s say discussion, I may have replied with some not so kind words. Back to today– I mention getting concrete for our driveway, he kind of smarts off (that was my opinion) and I totally brought up the incident from 5 months ago! FiVE MONTHS!!! Then I proceeded to tell him how he always provokes me and it’s his fault when I’m mean to him. 🥴🥴🥴

Unfortunately, the story is the same even when it comes to people who aren’t my family! I find a way to justify my words/actions by telling myself (usually a friend actually) how the other person is in the wrong because they did THIS (you name it) and I didn’t! I intentionally find ways to make them the bad guy because what they did “was so much worse” than my retaliation! I mean afterall, if they hadn’t “started it” then I wouldn’t have had a reason to be a terrible person in return! **insert eye roll** I think some people call this “playing the victim”! Well, let’s just say, I’ve mastered it! **not proud, just being honest!

Another common phrase that I have been known to use is, “well in my defense”…….hhhhmmmm…..that’s just one more tactic that I would use to make the other person’s actions so much more worse than mine! For example, I have this coworker (different building but same place of employment) who continues to just hound me over paperwork and it just gets old. Because it has happened no less than 20 times, I decided to “tattle” in an email (she was included) to our boss and point out very specific times when she had broken specific rules. And of course it was all done in a “professional manner”! Whether it was or wasn’t done professionally, I used her actions to condone everything I told on her for because “at least I didn’t…”

My point is, I (and perhaps you) need to stop making excuses and stop rationalizing my words and actions that are uncalled for and using the excuse, “at least I didn’t…” because in the end, I will have to answer for how I treat others. If we want this world to be better than it is, it has to start with us. When someone wrongs us, we have to be the bigger person, forgive, and move on. Now that doesn’t mean that we have to let others run all over us, because that’s not healthy either! However, the words I use and the conversations I have when someone HAS “wronged” me/you needs to be said/done without the anger. It’s time that I stop allowing what others say/do overtake my emotions because that’s when I react in disdain! And justified or not, wrong will still be wrong!

In the end if you are still saying, “at least I didnt…” to defend your words or actions then the cold hard truth is, you just stooped to the exact same level you disapproved of to begin with! Listen to me…….don’t be THAT person! Patience and delayed responses are so much better! I’ve actually had a few of those moments! Think before you speak! Think before you act! And for the love of everything good, ask yourself if it is worth it! You’ll be thankful you did!!!